For nearly a decade, I was a full-time stay-at-home mom, devoting my life to my children. Except for a few hours a week when Grandma would babysit, I was engulfed in motherhood every single day. There were no paid sitters; it was all on me. I was hyper-aware of every snack they consumed, every time they needed a bathroom break, and the nuances of their ever-changing moods.
Okay, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration, but when you’re a stay-at-home parent, you become deeply immersed in your children’s lives. It can be overwhelming and, at times, incredibly challenging to manage the whirlwind of raising two energetic boys.
As my youngest started school, I anticipated feeling a wave of sadness about leaving my role as a full-time mom. I expected tears — a lot of tears — as I dropped him off at pre-K for the first time.
However, what actually happened was quite different. I felt an immense sense of relief as I stepped out the door. I couldn’t believe how happy I was to have a few hours to myself each day. Well, not entirely to myself, as I work from home during those hours when my kids are at school. My family needs the additional income, and being a stay-at-home mom for so long had placed a financial strain on us. Thankfully, I found work that allows me to contribute while still being present for my kids.
What truly surprises me is not just how much I enjoy working — the silence, the sense of accomplishment, and yes, the paycheck — but how parenting suddenly feels more challenging since I began working. My children seem more demanding than ever, and I know it’s not because they have changed. They are still their lively, opinionated selves, capable of talking about everything under the sun while simultaneously wreaking havoc in the house.
So why does it feel harder? Perhaps spending 25 hours a week in a quiet office has made me less tolerant of the noisy chaos that children bring. Maybe it’s the stark contrast between the two environments. Or perhaps I haven’t quite mastered the transition between work and home life.
Despite my work commitments, I still handle most household responsibilities and the emotional labor of parenting. The moment I see my kids after a day apart, I feel the weight of their emotional needs pressing down on me.
Interestingly, I recently came across a study from Penn State University that found both men and women experience lower cortisol levels — the stress hormone — during the workweek compared to weekends spent at home. This was true for working parents of both genders. However, while both reported similar stress levels, women reported feeling significantly less happy at home compared to at work, whereas men felt happier at home than in their jobs.
This disparity likely stems from the traditional expectations placed on women to manage child-rearing, household duties, and family schedules. Even as I transitioned back to the workforce, I still carry the bulk of those responsibilities. Sitting in my home office, typing away, has become a welcome break from all that.
The challenge is finding a solution. I’m fortunate to have a husband who is willing to help, but it often requires reminders for him to complete household tasks. He shares childcare duties with me, but his full-time job as a teacher leaves him little room for extra responsibilities.
This gendered division of labor is frustrating. Many men are eager to contribute, yet societal norms still dictate traditional roles that are hard to break free from. I had hoped that becoming a working mom would alleviate some of the burdens of motherhood, but it seems to have compounded them instead. I continue to seek a better balance between work and home life, though I realize it may take time, especially until my kids are older or out of the house.
It’s crucial for us to work towards a more equitable distribution of parenting and household tasks among all family members, including the children. Mothers deserve to have this weight lifted from their shoulders.
I may not have all the answers yet — navigating the complexities of being a working mom is an ongoing journey. But I know I am not alone in this struggle, and that offers some comfort.
For more insights on parenting challenges, you can explore this excellent resource on pregnancy, or check out this post about at-home insemination kits for those considering family planning options.
In conclusion, the journey of balancing work and parenting is fraught with challenges, but it’s a journey many of us share. As we adapt, it’s essential to support one another in creating a more harmonious family life.