In my parenting journey, I chose not to enroll my children in preschool or daycare, believing that it was the best decision for our family. I cherished the time spent together, just the two of us, and if given the chance, I would make the same choice again for all three of my kids. During those early years, we enjoyed countless adventures—travelling, playing, going for walks, and engaging in numerous playdates, along with the occasional outing for lunch or shopping.
However, looking back, I realize I overlooked some crucial aspects of their development. Being together constantly had its downsides; I inadvertently stifled their independence, a fact I didn’t fully grasp at the time.
When I sent my eldest son, Liam, off to kindergarten, it quickly became apparent that I had made a significant oversight. He had never been away from me for long stretches, and this lack of experience left him feeling anxious and unsure about many new situations.
One of his biggest fears was using the bathroom alone. I had always accompanied him and his siblings, so the idea of him navigating a public restroom by himself was never something I had considered. When I realized that something as simple as locking the door and using the toilet caused him distress, it was a wake-up call.
What seems ordinary to adults can be daunting for children. Having been by my side constantly, Liam suddenly found himself in a full day of kindergarten, faced with many tasks he needed to manage independently. While he enjoyed school, he was also frightened, and I realized that I could have alleviated some of that fear by fostering his independence earlier.
It took weeks for him to express his anxiety about using the restroom alone. He was worried someone might walk in on him, which is a common fear among kids but one that I had overlooked. This experience pushed me to ensure that my younger children gained some autonomy before stepping into the school environment. For instance, I made it a point to encourage them to use public restrooms on their own, even if I stayed just outside the door. It became evident that building their confidence in such everyday tasks was essential.
I also recognized that I had neglected to teach my son how to communicate his feelings to his peers. Whenever he faced discomfort or challenges with other children, I would step in to resolve the situation. While it’s natural for parents to want to protect their children, I realized that I needed to step back and allow them to learn to advocate for themselves. Encouraging them to speak up when someone made them uncomfortable was challenging, but it was crucial for their growth.
As a protective parent, letting my kids navigate these situations independently felt daunting. However, it was a necessary step, especially since I hadn’t provided them with the preschool experience that helps prepare children for social interactions. I learned valuable lessons through Liam’s struggles, and fortunately, my other two children had a much smoother transition into their first year of school. They were better prepared, and I no longer had to worry about them holding back in fear of using the bathroom at school.
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In summary, while I cherished the time spent with my children during their early years, I now recognize the importance of fostering independence. Allowing my kids to navigate small challenges on their own has better equipped them for the demands of school life.