Parenting Insights
By Jamie Thompson
Updated: March 19, 2021
Originally Published: Oct. 23, 2017
About four months ago, I shared a brief reflection on my Facebook page concerning the decision to put my spirited 2-year-old on a leash. I hastily typed it out on my phone without giving it much thought. However, in the unpredictable nature of social media, my post gained unexpected national traction, attracting comments from figures like Whoopi Goldberg and Sharon Osbourne regarding the topic of toddler leashes. It ended up being featured on major platforms like the Today Show, The Talk, and The View, along with coverage from People magazine, Redbook, and MSN. Who would have thought?
The idea of using a leash originated during a family trip to Disneyland in December 2016. My wife and I packed a leash for our youngest, who had turned our outings into a chaotic experience since she began walking. It felt like we were taking a wild animal into the world, and we needed to ensure her safety. This doesn’t mean we didn’t love her independence — we absolutely did. However, as parents of three, we recognized that she was the most determined little girl we had in our care.
Although I anticipated judgment when we brought the leash, it was a necessary choice. As she dashed through the Disneyland crowds, I felt the eyes of other parents on me, judging my decision. One woman even questioned whether I truly needed the leash. But moments later, my daughter tried to leap into the moat of the It’s A Small World ride. Without that leash, she would have likely ended up in the water. I doubt the critic in line would have considered that a valid reason for my choice.
We spent three action-packed days at Disneyland, and each day, the leash was our ally. It prevented her from leaping off rides, crawling out of attractions, and running into the bustling crowd. So, if you saw me struggling with a wild, blonde toddler on a leash and thought to yourself that I was wrong for doing so, know that I was simply keeping her safe.
I understand that opinions vary on the “Great Leash Debate,” but it’s important to respect each other’s choices. The reality is, with a spirited child, you’re criticized no matter what you do. If I hadn’t used the leash at amusement parks, zoos, or crowded malls, my daughter could have easily become the lost child announced over the intercom or even wandered into a dangerous situation, such as a busy parking lot.
Interestingly, as my post gained traction, I noticed that many of the most vocal critics were individuals without children. It’s easy to comment from the sidelines when you haven’t experienced the struggle of keeping a 2-year-old still. They often view leashes as humiliating or degrading, while parents of wild children like me are just trying to keep them safe.
Not all parents share the same experience. Those with calm, easygoing kids often had plenty to say about my decision. Congratulations to them for having an easier time with their parenting journey! I’ve had a child like that too; my middle daughter was generally compliant. But my youngest, with her insatiable curiosity and surprising speed, made parenting a much more demanding task. Furthermore, she had a condition called nursemaid’s elbow, which meant a sudden tug could lead to serious injury.
In hindsight, the leash was the most practical option.
Fast forward to today, my daughter is now 3 and a half. While she still possesses her curiosity and humor, she has become calmer and more attentive. She holds my hand, plays independently, and even asks for permission on occasion.
When I wrote that initial Facebook post that ignited so much discussion, she was still on a leash. Now, she’s free and thriving, but I genuinely believe we wouldn’t have reached this calmer phase without the leash. It wasn’t a reflection of my parenting or discipline; it was simply a developmental stage. She hadn’t yet grasped the concept of listening to commands, and until she did, the leash was essential for her safety.
Every parent hopes for their child to hold their hand and follow directions. We would all prefer our kids to stay close without the need for restraints. However, some children, by nature, are not wired that way. What I know for sure is that we wouldn’t change a thing about our spirited child. Their fiery curiosity and determination are traits that will serve them well in the future. While they may be exhausting at 2 or 3 years old, those characteristics will be admirable as they grow older. Much of parenting revolves around recognizing developmental milestones, and in this case, the leash was not the issue; it was simply a matter of timing.
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Summary
Parenting a spirited child can be challenging, and sometimes unconventional decisions like using a leash are necessary for safety. Embracing each child’s unique personality leads to growth and understanding, reminding parents that development is a process.