As a mother of three, with my eldest now 17 and my youngest nearing 9, I feel I’ve earned my stripes in the parenting arena. I’ve navigated the tumultuous waters of raising little ones more times than I can remember, and I bear the gray hairs and laugh lines to prove it.
But here’s a little secret for new moms: much of the advice you receive from those of us with older kids should probably be taken with a grain of salt. It’s not that we intend to mislead you; it’s just that we’re often suffering from what I like to call “momnesia.”
When I think back to my oldest child’s early days, I picture a sweet, easy-going infant. Sure, she wasn’t the best sleeper, but aside from that, she was a dream. I remember sitting her down with a pile of board books, and she’d entertain herself for what felt like hours. When asked about her toddler years, I’ve always painted her as compliant and joyful.
However, a recent discovery of my old journals revealed a different story. I stumbled upon a note that read, “This kid is the most strong-willed child I’ve ever met.” Clearly, my little angel had a mischievous side that I had conveniently forgotten.
As I delved deeper into my writings, I was reminded of her stubbornness during diaper changes, the public meltdowns that left me frazzled, and the sleep-deprived nights that made me question my sanity. I had pushed those memories to the back of my mind, opting instead for a filtered recollection of motherhood that was far more pleasant than reality.
It’s no secret that motherhood can scramble our brains. Over the years, our cognitive resources get diverted to answering endless questions from toddlers or figuring out how to manage a new soccer obsession. In this chaos, it’s easy to forget the challenging moments — perhaps as a self-preservation tactic to keep us from losing our minds entirely.
And let’s be honest, momnesia tends to amplify with each additional child. The only reason I can recall as much as I do is because I meticulously documented those times. Without those notes, I might still believe my kids were perfect little angels during their formative years.
This is why I often raise an eyebrow at claims from older moms that their children were never problematic. “My kids never threw tantrums,” they might say. “They never barged into our room at night,” or “They never begged for toys at the store.” I’m sorry, but I have to call nonsense on that. While some kids may indeed miss certain phases by sheer luck, the majority of us experienced the full spectrum of childhood chaos.
Some might insist that momnesia isn’t a real phenomenon, but I stand firm in my belief. Just as women often forget the pain of childbirth, most mothers tend to overlook the messy, exhausting details of the early parenting years. We view those days through rosy lenses, convinced we remember the tough moments, when in truth, we’ve selectively forgotten them.
So, to all the new moms out there: take our experiences and advice lightly. We may have valuable insights to share, and at times, we can be excellent sounding boards. However, if we start claiming our kids were perfect little angels who never misbehaved, don’t panic or doubt your parenting skills. Just nod along, knowing that we likely have a case of momnesia — and we probably won’t admit it.
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In conclusion, while older parents may offer a wealth of experience, don’t let their selective memories cause you to doubt your journey. Embrace the chaos and remember, every parenting experience is unique!