One of the funniest memes I’ve encountered online begins with the proclamation: “You can’t just cut someone out of your life!” Below this caption, there’s a comical image of Edward Scissorhands, wildly trimming hedges. It’s the ultimate “Oh, yes I can!” visual that resonates with many of us. At some point in our lives, we’ve all been either Edward Scissorhands or the bush. While it’s painful to consider, it’s important to chuckle at the reality that some individuals truly deserve to be cut from our lives.
There are moments when it’s necessary to create distance, and mastering this skill can lead to greater happiness. However, it’s time to put those metaphorical scissors down, as a fascinating study has emerged that might change our perspective on who deserves a spot in our inner circle.
Psychological researcher Belén López-Pérez suggested that individuals who insult their friends aren’t always being malicious; rather, they may be aiming for long-term benefits for their friends. It’s a compelling notion, and the research certainly supports it. As López-Pérez remarked, “We have shown that people can be ‘cruel to be kind’ — that is, they may decide to make someone feel worse if this emotion is beneficial for that other person.”
Wait a minute. That friend who pointed out that my outfit wasn’t flattering was actually — gulp — looking out for me? Dialing my phone to apologize to Lisa The study revealed that empathy, rather than mere meanness, drives our “meanest” friends to say and do things they believe will help us thrive. While they may know we don’t want to hear about our fashion faux pas, their primary concern is that we shine on the dance floor: think black miniskirt, no lumps, you get the picture.
López-Pérez continued, “People hold very specific expectations about the effects that certain emotions may have and about which emotions may be better for achieving different goals.” To clarify: the key distinction between a Regina George-type and your brutally honest bestie lies in their intentions. Lisa didn’t criticize my red dress to make me feel bad; she did it because she knew I would truly shine in that black miniskirt.
If a friend intentionally hurts your feelings just for the sake of it, they aren’t a true friend. In such cases, I recommend channeling your inner Scissorhands. However, if you have a friend who is willing to tell you the hard truths that others avoid, you might just have a keeper. Having “yes (wo)men” around might feel more comfortable, but where does that leave you? Standing in the middle of the dance floor, wearing that bandage dress.
If you need further proof, consider the findings from the University of Plymouth, which confirm what we likely already suspected: those who are bold enough to share the truth with us often care the most. So, remember that our “meanest” (or most honest) friends are worth keeping close. Set those scissors aside for another day.
For additional insights on personal relationships and communication, check out this article on in vitro fertilisation. And if you’re curious about home insemination options, take a look at our post about the Cryobaby at-home insemination kit.
In summary, the research indicates that friends who speak the truth, even when it stings, often have our best interests at heart. Rather than hastily cutting ties, it may be worthwhile to appreciate the honesty of those who genuinely care about our well-being.