Dear Me From Four Years Ago,
I must say, you seem a bit lost and weary. Those eyes of yours? They reflect a deep-seated frustration bubbling just beneath the surface.
Oh yes, I can see it. That suppressed anger that erupts every time your toddler has an accident just moments after you’ve encouraged him to use the potty. With one child barely two years old and the other still an infant, it’s a chaotic scene to say the least. Juggling potty training while tending to a newborn is truly its own brand of madness.
And coming home from your job? What a treat! Both kids are cranky from a long day at daycare, and they’re each vying for your attention while you attempt to prepare dinner. Talk about a circus! Remember when you could go to the bathroom without an audience? Or even sneak in a moment of peace during the night? Those days feel like a distant memory.
Ah yes, that lovely haircut you haven’t touched since 2012. And those dark, stretchy clothes that hide all the messes but also reflect none of the joy. Honestly, you look… okay. Just okay. You’ll feel just as okay for a few more years.
Of course, you adore your little ones; those small milestones tug at your heartstrings. They’re funny and affectionate, constantly showering you with love. But let’s be real—you’re also frustrated. Frustrated by the lack of solitude, the relentless grind of working to pay for daycare, and your dwindling patience. The older one has a habit of creeping into your bed at night, while the baby needs constant attention. You pump during your workday and spend precious evenings cleaning up after it all, feeling like you never truly succeed at anything.
I understand. Trust me, I was there not too long ago. I know you’re angry.
You might not recognize it yet, but that anger is lurking just beneath your exhaustion. Why wouldn’t it be? Life has transformed dramatically. It’s exhilarating yet terrifying, a constant demand for your love and attention, with new challenges arising every single day.
It’s tough. Perhaps you’re not ready to confront that anger just yet because there’s so much on your plate.
However, the good news is, in about four years, you’ll come to terms with that anger because it will fade away. Yes, it’s true—this change doesn’t happen overnight. There’s a period of revelation where you realize that your job isn’t fulfilling you, leading you to make the brave decision to stay home with the kids full-time.
Some days will feel like a nightmare, but it’s all worth it. Before you know it, one child will be in first grade, while the other is off to preschool. You’ll find yourself gradually resuming work, taking on clients one by one.
And the best part? They sleep through the night—most nights, at least. You might still have the occasional hiccup, like a full moon or an unexpected bout of illness, but sleep will become a familiar friend again. Sometimes you’ll even enjoy late mornings on weekends if they’re engrossed in their devices.
Oh, and speaking of growth—they can talk now! Full sentences too, and yes, they can be quite loud. But they also play together, watch movies, and even safely enjoy time outdoors with friends.
Sure, you’ll still step in when needed, whether it’s to mediate sibling squabbles or ensure no one’s riding a makeshift vehicle down the driveway. They’ll want you to join them in games or just snuggle on the couch, and you’ll cherish those moments.
You’ll even carve out time for yourself to exercise, while they happily spend time with their dad without losing their calm. You’ll feel good about having that time apart; they’ll make friends and adapt well to babysitters.
The fog of early parenthood will clear, allowing you to reclaim bits of freedom that feel indulgent compared to the relentless demands of before. You’ll feel vibrant again, enough to recognize just how angry you once were because, congratulations—you’re not angry anymore.
So, take heart, Me From Four Years Ago. Your life will be different, but in four years, you’ll see how great it can be. Hang in there; we’ll meet again soon.
But for now, I must go. The Me of Four Years From Now is reaching out about some teenage drama—I suppose I should appreciate the present while I can. You should too.