Thursday mornings tend to be the most challenging time for my marriage. If we ever part ways, the reason might simply be “Thursday mornings.” I’d love to blame our trash for the issues between us, but I suspect it’s more about our attitudes. My partner prefers to wake up slowly and quietly, while Thursdays find me acting like a drill sergeant. Somehow, all the frustrations of life seem to converge in a half-hour chaos that feels like a storm.
I start the day fine, but then I remember the kids’ musical instruments that need to be packed, the fact that school lunches are a dreaded affair, the notes I need for the bus drivers, and, of course, it’s garbage day. This means tackling the unpleasant task of removing spoiled food from the fridge and rounding up our countless trash bins. On top of this, everything tends to go awry: cereal spills from boxes, dishes shatter, compost bags leak, and the kids decide that now is the perfect time to annoy each other. By the time I’m out of bed, I’m already convinced I’m handling it all alone.
Yet, that’s not entirely accurate. My partner, Matt, is a supportive and involved spouse and parent, but I often trick myself into believing otherwise. We could certainly improve our planning and organization, but, truthfully, we often feel like a hot mess.
On days like these, we lose sight of the fact that we are navigating this parenting and marriage journey together. Instead of acknowledging each other’s efforts, we focus on what’s going wrong. It’s survival mode, where it seems like everyone is out for themselves until we finally make it out the door.
We tend to complain about each other, and we all know how productive that can be. “I need your help today,” I say, one hand clutching a recycling bag while I try to wake up with caffeine. “We waste too much food,” he responds, tossing Tupperware into the sink with a little too much force. “Yelling at me about wasted food isn’t helping,” I retort, feeling the tension rise. “You’re always grumpy on Thursdays,” he shoots back. “It’s because I want to strangle you on Thursdays,” I think, but I hold my tongue.
On these chaotic mornings, we forget the core principle that brought us together: our marriage is a partnership. We lose sight of the fact that we’re supposed to be on the same team. Instead of working together, we inadvertently turn it into a competition, keeping mental score of who does what, when, and how. This mindset can lead to exhaustion and resentment, a sentiment I’m sure many couples can relate to.
Determined not to let this happen, Matt and I have made a promise to remember our partnership, even amid the chaos. Surrounded by spilled cereal, leaking garbage, and sleepy children, we try to pause, share a laugh, or even a playful slap on the back to ease the tension.
Recently, I had to make an unplanned trip to support my mother in the hospital. Matt didn’t hesitate. “Go, I’ll handle everything here,” he assured me. He even figured out how to style our daughter’s hair for her school picture day, which was no small feat given her particular preferences. That’s what marriage is truly about: being there for each other when it matters most; offering support, encouragement, and understanding during tough times. It’s about tackling life’s challenges together, even when it feels overwhelming.
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In summary, marriage is a partnership that requires teamwork, especially during stressful times. Remembering to support each other, rather than keeping score, can help alleviate the pressures of daily life.