It begins at 7 a.m. The baby starts crying, and as my feet hit the floor, my first thought is, “Ugh, I didn’t sleep enough again.” I rub my eyes and glance at the clock: just five hours of rest last night. Not ideal, but sadly, it’s the norm these days, and I’m mostly to blame. I’ve noticed a few gray hairs creeping in; I know better than to stay up past midnight scrolling through social media or binge-watching my favorite series. Yet, here we are once more.
I yawn deeply, regretting that extra episode of “What’s the Buzz.” Time to board the Struggle Bus, where dreams of sleep play in my mind like a never-ending loop. Cue the caffeine—my trusty ally.
As I brew a pot of coffee and prepare lunches, the day rushes forward like a freight train. At this point, I’m not sure whether I’m on board or in its path. My kids are lively, tugging at my clothes, scattering breakfast across the floor, and debating whether to watch “Frozen” or “The Lion King.” I feel the urge to pull my hair out, yet I muster a smile and keep my composure.
I can’t let my exhaustion spill over onto them; it’s not their fault I stayed up late with imaginary friends from TV. In that chaotic moment, I vow (yet again) that tonight will be the night I hit the hay early. The night I silence the notifications, close my eyes, and finally reclaim the sleep I’ve lost over the past few years. I need rest—my children deserve a well-rested mom.
You’d think that after daydreaming about bedtime all day, when the moment arrives, I’d dive into my cozy bed, switch off my phone, and drift off to sleep. But that’s where you’d be mistaken.
What’s going on with me? Who lives like this? What kind of person fantasizes about sleep like it’s a long-lost friend only to turn it down like a pre-morning coffee call from the in-laws? Mamas everywhere can relate.
We know that once the kids are tucked in and the house quiets down, a magical second wind kicks in. That’s when our minds start racing, and the late-night energy surges. Sure, we complain about being tired, but many of us also acknowledge that even when sleep is within reach, we often choose to pass it up.
Because nighttime is our own precious time! The house is serene, and the world feels like it’s on pause. We indulge in one more episode or dive into a book, relishing the freedom from little interruptions asking for snacks or help with shoes. We crave sleep, but we also need that precious alone time—there simply aren’t enough hours in the day to satisfy both needs.
Perhaps it’s challenging to grasp, but there are two voices in every mother’s head: one that longs for a cozy blanket and a back rub, and another that scoffs and says, “Stop trying to make sleep happen!”
We are all worn out, but that fatigue is a blend of physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion. Sleep may alleviate one aspect, but not all. Parents need time to recharge emotionally, so we often stay up late to savor those rare moments of solitude. For most of us, that means being awake long after the kids are asleep—however long it takes.
Yes, I might have been dreaming of sleep all day, but when bedtime finally rolls around, I’ll probably stay awake once again. Why? Because I’m a mom, and it’s my prerogative to be endlessly sleep-deprived while still embracing this beautifully chaotic life. Those two feelings can coexist.
To all the tired mamas raising their coffee cups in solidarity, I hear you.
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In summary, while moms often long for rest throughout the day, the allure of nighttime solitude frequently leads them to stay awake. Balancing the exhaustion of motherhood with the need for personal time is a complex but relatable struggle.