I had my expectations set, but indifference was not one of them.
My husband, Daniel, held our newborn, of course. He posed for pictures, smiling at our tiny bundle of joy, and changed a diaper or two, even napping with the baby resting on his chest, just like many fathers do. Yet, I couldn’t shake the unsettling feeling that Daniel wasn’t as enchanted with our child as I was. This fear seeded doubt in my mind about the kind of father he would become.
Perhaps my apprehensions stemmed from my own upbringing, as my father was largely absent. I longed for a hands-on dad for my children—someone who would teach them to ride their bikes, take them fishing, and share bits of fatherly wisdom. My own father had been more of an accessory than a parent, a figure who provided but didn’t connect emotionally. I had vowed my children would have a genuine dad, one who showed them daily how much they mattered.
When I chose to marry Daniel, I saw in him the potential for that nurturing father figure I had always wished for. However, as our son arrived, I instantly fell in love. I was captivated by his tiny features, spending hours just gazing at him. Daniel, on the other hand, seemed less enthralled. He helped with chores and was supportive as needed, but I sensed it was more out of obligation than genuine affection.
Weeks turned into months, and my disillusionment grew. Was this simply how some men were? Had I unwittingly repeated a pattern by choosing a partner who mirrored my father’s distant demeanor? The anxiety weighed heavily on me.
Then, around the six-month mark, something changed. Daniel’s bond with our son blossomed. He discovered the best ways to elicit laughter and took joy in the fact that our baby’s giggles mirrored his own. They became inseparable, much to my relief. I realized that Daniel was simply a late bloomer in fatherhood. His connection blossomed only when our son was old enough to show tangible affection—smiles, laughter, and those tiny outstretched hands.
In retrospect, it makes sense. Mothers often develop a bond during pregnancy, experiencing the baby’s growth firsthand, enduring labor, and benefitting from hormonal changes that promote attachment. Fathers, however, are mere spectators until the birth, expected to bond immediately without the nurturing experience. While some dads fall head over heels at first sight, others take time to grow into their role. And since they can’t openly express their ambivalence, they often go through the motions until that cherished connection forms.
Having navigated the newborn phase with Daniel four times now, I can attest that he exhibited the same initial distance each time. He held, kissed, and tended to our newborns, but it wasn’t until they became more interactive that his affection truly flourished.
Just the other day, I asked him why it always took him a while to warm up to our babies. “Because you can’t wrestle with a newborn,” he quipped.
Some fathers seem like caterpillars in a cocoon, leaving you to wonder if they’ll ever emerge as fully engaged dads. But once they do, the transformation is remarkable. They evolve into the kind of father who marvels at their children’s growth, dispenses wisdom, shares hugs, and even wrestles on the living room floor.
That’s the man Daniel has become—the last to bond but the first to support his kids in every way.
For those seeking guidance on parenting and the journey of fatherhood, consider exploring resources like this one for further insights. And if you’re looking into options for starting a family, check out this helpful article for information on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary:
In conclusion, the journey of a father can be different from that of a mother, often requiring time to develop a bond with a newborn. My husband initially seemed indifferent, prompting my fears about his capability as a father. However, as our son grew and began to interact, Daniel’s connection deepened, transforming him into a devoted dad. This experience taught me that each parent’s journey is unique, and love can flourish at different paces.