Cancer has a profound impact on your life. While this may sound like a cliché, I can assure you that it holds a significant truth. I’ve undergone numerous changes, both physically and emotionally, but the most unexpected outcome of my journey was that cancer taught me to truly let go and relax.
The Turning Point
The turning point came during a routine checkup with my gynecologist, who, after switching doctors, finally caught my attention when she said, “I feel something.” It was a thorough examination, unlike any I had experienced before. She carefully checked my lymph nodes and palpated my neck repeatedly. After some time, she delivered the life-altering news: I had thyroid cancer, specifically papillary thyroid carcinoma. This led to surgery to remove my entire thyroid and subsequent radiation treatment.
Physical Changes
Physically, my body has changed dramatically. I no longer possess the organ responsible for producing a crucial hormone that regulates metabolism, heart function, body temperature, and more. My tolerance for heat has diminished, my hair has altered, I deal with indigestion, and my menstrual cycle has become erratic. I rely on a synthetic version of thyroid hormone, and while it seems to be working for now, I can’t shake the feeling that my body is still adjusting.
Mental Transformation
Mentally, I have also transformed. I used to pride myself on my sharpness. My memory was exceptional; I could recall conversations in vivid detail, including where I was and what everyone wore. Professionally, I was quick to cite sources and references, always ready with an answer. I prided myself on my ability to keep track of everything, a skill that didn’t fade even after years of marriage and motherhood.
Now, as I approach 43, I’ve experienced more anesthesia than most people probably should in a lifetime. I believe these physical changes have directly affected my mental faculties. When I first noticed the shifts, panic set in. I felt as if my mind was no longer in autopilot mode, leaving me struggling to remember even simple interactions. I felt anxious and cautious, constantly on guard, trying to appear composed while internally battling uncertainty.
Embracing Liberation
Then came summer, a season that turned out to be incredibly liberating for my family and me. I learned to genuinely let go—of expectations, worries, and the incessant need to control. Surprisingly, the world didn’t collapse around me. In fact, my life became significantly less stressful. I discovered that I could embrace my new reality without the burden of constant stress.
A Shift in Perspective
Now, I find that I remember less. While I haven’t forgotten anything crucial, my memory isn’t as sharp as it once was. Conversations have become more genuine and spontaneous, focused on the present moment rather than past interactions. I feel less compelled to have all the answers, which is refreshing because, in truth, I never truly had them. My beliefs and opinions are valid, but I no longer feel the need to present them as absolute truths.
I’ve developed greater compassion for my children, who often need more time to process. My pace of life has slowed, allowing me the freedom to occupy the space and time I require for myself. I’m now more open to showing my vulnerabilities and uncertainties. Whether it’s a mental shift from the fear of cancer or the physical changes I’ve undergone, I am undeniably a different person.
Embracing Change
If it took a cancer diagnosis to transform me into a more relaxed and authentic version of myself, then so be it. I embrace this newfound sense of freedom, even if it comes with a neck that resembles that of an 85-year-old chicken.
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Conclusion
In summary, cancer has reshaped my life in ways I never anticipated, leading me to embrace a more laid-back and authentic existence. The journey has taught me that it’s okay to let go and live in the moment.