For the first time since our journey into parenthood began, my partner and I found the opportunity to escape for a vacation—just the two of us. Our oldest child recently celebrated their 10th birthday. A whole decade had passed without a proper getaway from the daily grind of parenting, with only fleeting five-hour date nights to remind us of our pre-parenting days.
For ten long years, I wrestled with guilt at the thought of an adult vacation. The idea of leaving my children behind felt wrong, as if I were neglecting the precious moments of their lives, as parenting memes insist we cherish. With my youngest now four, there was always someone at home who demanded attention, someone I felt guilty about pawning off on relatives for an evening. More than anything, the guilt stemmed from the thought of spending money—often tight in our household—on myself rather than on the kids.
As many parents know, raising children comes with constant financial demands: lessons, sports, toys, and the fundamental needs of food and shelter. Could I really justify splurging on a hotel room, dining out, show tickets, and shopping? My guilty conscience answered with a firm “No!”
At 38, I had accepted that my personal aspirations and enjoyment outside of my children had to be put on hold—at least until they were grown. Reflecting on that now, I realize how limiting that mindset was. It’s no wonder my partner and I often felt exhausted, impatient, and even resentful—resentful of the wonderful experiences we were tirelessly providing for our children.
The wake-up call came when I lost a friend much too young. At a time when I felt overwhelmed, his passing served as a heavy anchor. I couldn’t afford to sink; three little lives depended on me. The solution required a bold act of what I now understand as self-preservation. I organized a trip to Cape Cod, complete with a seaside hotel, theater tickets, and reservations at restaurants that didn’t have a kids’ menu or crayons.
The experience turned out to be one of the most joyful of my life—yes, even more than my wedding day or the births of my children (let’s be honest, those moments were hardly relaxing!). My partner and I have always shared a fierce love, but it’s difficult to truly connect as a couple amidst the chaos of parenting. This getaway allowed us to focus solely on each other, rekindling the essence of our partnership.
We rediscovered the freedom to go wherever we pleased without the constant considerations of snacks, Band-Aids, or whether a shopping trip was worth the risk of a child accidentally breaking something. For those three glorious days, no one interrupted my shower or asked me to fetch them a drink while I was, well, you know… otherwise occupied.
I opened my eyes to a life not yet over, realizing that the time until my eventual end doesn’t have to be an uphill battle of never-ending responsibilities. I have a life to live, joy to embrace, and goals to reach. I deserve to invest time, effort, and yes, even some cash on myself.
What kind of example do I set for my children by revolving my life solely around them? It’s detrimental for them to see me only as a parent. They should aspire to be fulfilled, well-rounded individuals, even if they choose to become parents someday. It’s my responsibility to model that for them, or else I risk being an irresponsible parent.
Since returning from our trip, we’ve committed to fulfilling our dreams. We’ve already booked a night out to see a band we’ve loved for years. I’ve revamped my wardrobe and my partner’s, replacing my outdated makeup, and we’ve even picked up music again, preparing to enter a local busking competition next year.
Our children now lounge around, whether coloring or playfully wrestling, soaking in the joy of their parents pursuing their passions. They witness our happiness and, hopefully, learn how to seek fulfillment in their own lives.
For more insights on enhancing your family life, check out this resource on fertility treatments. And if you’re looking to boost your fertility, consider exploring these supplements.
In summary, prioritizing my marriage and personal fulfillment has rejuvenated our family dynamics, showing that happiness is a valuable lesson for our children to witness.