Kids have an uncanny ability to test our limits, almost as if they’re born with an innate skill for emotional manipulation. It’s as if they come into this world armed with strategies to charm us into doing things we know we shouldn’t.
In our household, the bedtime routine is where their tactics reach a whole new level. What starts off as a sweet and serene evening quickly spirals into a chaotic spectacle. My kids have mastered the art of stalling, and it’s become a finely tuned performance.
Initially, bedtime doesn’t feel like a disaster. It begins with my little ones being adorably sweet, playing harmoniously and showering us with affection. They sing lullabies and express their love for us, making it all too easy to succumb to their charm. Before we know it, the clock strikes bedtime, but we’re so captivated by their cuteness that we lose track of time. Just a few more minutes, we tell ourselves. Then it’s officially time for bed. Right?
Once we shake off their enchanting grip and remember that we are the parents, it’s often too late. The sweet, calm children transform into overtired little monsters, complete with whining and bickering. They turn into those intolerable little gremlins (and yes, I say this with love), and we can hardly wait for the day to end.
We send them upstairs to brush their teeth, yet they remain motionless, sprawled out on the floor as if we’ve turned into mere background noise. We repeat our requests, escalating into a frenzy of shouting. Why are we yelling when just moments ago everything was peaceful? The urgency to brush their teeth becomes a battle cry.
As they finally make their way to the bathroom at a snail’s pace, distractions abound. Suddenly, they recall a permission slip that needs signing for school or they urgently need to know the weather for tomorrow’s outfit. They pose questions like “What color is thunder?” or “Can dogs read our minds?” Just the other night, I turned my head for a second, only to find my son concocting salsa in the kitchen, completely oblivious to the fact that it was time to brush his teeth. #TrueStory
Exhausted, we realize that compliance is our only option. We begrudgingly answer their queries, sign the permission slip, check the weather, and even taste the homemade salsa. Then we snap at them to go brush their teeth, perhaps with a few expletives muttered under our breath.
Fast forward ten minutes, and teeth remain unbrushed, Legos are strewn across their bedroom floor, and one child is running around in the nude because his underwear was “too itchy.” We try to keep our cool while the chaos unfolds.
Finally, after what feels like an eternity, they are bathed, teeth brushed, and tucked into bed. But wait! More questions arise, with “last one” being repeated at least a dozen times. Mama, do grasshoppers fly or jump? Can we have shrimp for dinner tomorrow? What’s on the agenda for the next few days?
Oh dear child, I can barely think past my evening date with the couch and Netflix, let alone plan out the next few days. So please, just go to bed!
After hugs, kisses, and a flood of “I love yous,” nearly an hour later, we finally close their bedroom door. Just as I settle in on the couch, a faint “Mo—om!” echoes from upstairs. It starts sweetly, part of their cunning plan. I ignore it at first, but it grows louder until I relent with a groan.
More questions: What if there’s a zombie apocalypse? Can I have water? More tuck-ins: I love you. Kiss-kiss.
If this sounds familiar, it’s clear that your kids, like mine, have reached expert levels in the bedtime-stalling game.
Twenty minutes later, I’m finally on the couch, remote in hand, and the house is eerily quiet. But it’s too late; I’m too drained. Forget Netflix and chill. There won’t even be Netflix because I’m out like a light in mere minutes.
Kids: 1,578. Parents: 0.
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Summary:
Bedtime in many homes can quickly devolve into a chaotic and humorous struggle as kids master the art of stalling. From sweet moments to overwhelming distractions, parents often find themselves battling exhaustion by the end of the night. This relatable journey highlights the trials of parenting, particularly during the bedtime routine, leaving many parents wondering how they lost control amidst the charm of their little ones.