In today’s parenting landscape, many of us grapple with the question of whether we should push our children to be top achievers. A recent article that has gained traction is titled “In Praise of Average Kids.” In it, the author, Jamie Peterson, shares a personal story about her son, Max, who expressed an interest in playing the trumpet. They eagerly bought him the instrument and enrolled him in the school band, only to discover that his talent didn’t quite match his enthusiasm.
After the music director suggested they invest in private lessons, Jamie faced a dilemma. With the school program already costing $150 and an additional $42 monthly for the trumpet rental, she started questioning why they had embarked on this musical journey. It wasn’t to prepare Max for a spot in a prestigious orchestra; it was simply to let him explore an interest and see if he enjoyed it.
As a parent, I can relate to the instinct to ensure our children excel. A few years back, my son, who was five at the time, expressed a desire to try soccer. We purchased the gear, signed him up for practices, and I found myself envisioning him as a professional athlete. However, it didn’t take long for me to realize that he wasn’t all that interested. After a few months, I struggled to even get him to put on his cleats. I was pushing him into something he didn’t enjoy, all in the hope that he would one day make me proud by becoming a star player—a sport I had little passion for myself.
Like Jamie, I eventually took a step back and reflected on my motivations. The intention was to see if he would find joy in soccer, not to create a future superstar. The truth is, the odds of becoming an elite player are slim.
As parents, we often find ourselves ensnared in a cycle of competition. We want our children to excel at everything, sometimes overlooking the more crucial goal of nurturing them into well-rounded individuals with strong values and genuine interests.
Interestingly, our fixation on excellence often stems from a middle- to upper-class mindset. Those of us with the financial means can afford extracurricular activities and the associated costs. I grew up in a single-parent household where such luxuries were not an option; my mother simply couldn’t juggle work and shuttling me to various activities.
My family can manage to support my son in soccer and my daughter in gymnastics—her new passion. However, we don’t want to devote our entire lives to this pursuit. What matters most is that they are having fun and developing new skills.
In my role within a Division 1 athletics program, I’ve witnessed the drive in student-athletes to excel, often to a concerning degree. While it is admirable, I have also seen the potential fallout from this relentless pursuit of perfection. When these driven individuals experience failure—be it losing a key game or being cut from a team—it can be devastating.
Tragically, I’ve seen the consequences firsthand. Over the last couple of years, two student-athletes I worked with took their own lives after setbacks in their athletic careers. These were bright, capable individuals who had invested so much of their identity in their sport that they felt they had nothing left when it was taken away. They had so much life ahead of them, yet they couldn’t see beyond their immediate failures.
This isn’t to say that every child pushed to succeed will face dire consequences, but we must be mindful of the impact this pressure can have on their mental and emotional health.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having an average child. It’s perfectly acceptable to be a B or even a C student. Encouraging children to do their best and challenge themselves is important, but pushing them to be at the top of every endeavor can create undue stress. That’s a tall order for any child. From my observations, the pressure to excel can lead to tragic outcomes.
Ultimately, Jamie concludes her article with a poignant reminder: “It’s not easy to ignore societal pressure to push, push, push. Our parents were more focused on our well-being than on our competitive achievements. We owe our successes not to outside pressures but to our intrinsic desire to grow and be our best selves. Our priority should be fostering self-esteem, creating a safe space for failure, and encouraging kindness and honesty. Embracing mediocrity is key.”
We need to teach our children that failure is a part of life and that our love for them isn’t contingent on their achievements. Each child is unique, with their own talents and challenges, and that’s what makes life beautiful. While my son may never become a famous soccer player, I will be proud of him as long as he grows into a kind, independent person.
As loving parents, I believe you share this sentiment. So let’s alleviate some of the pressure on our children. Instead of pushing them to be the best, let’s, like Jamie, embrace the beauty of mediocrity. For more insights on parenting and navigating these challenges, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and home insemination here. And if you’re interested in additional parenting topics, take a look at this post on the benefits of at-home insemination here.
Summary
The article discusses the societal pressures parents face to push their children toward excellence and the potential negative consequences of such pressures. It advocates for embracing mediocrity and focusing on fostering self-esteem, intrinsic motivation, and overall well-being in children.