As I sat in the driveway for a few moments after dropping the kids off, resting my forehead against the steering wheel, I fought back tears. I had lost my temper again, feeling overwhelmed and ineffective—once more.
“I’m just not cut out for this,” I thought. “I’m messing them up. I’m not giving them what they need, and I don’t even know how to.” The mere thought of my kids having another mother was almost unbearable—yet today, like countless others, being their mom felt like an insurmountable challenge.
We moms tend to be our harshest critics, don’t we? We set lofty expectations of what kind of mother we will be, only to find ourselves falling short time and again. The standards we create can feel impossible to meet, leading us to berate ourselves for every misstep. We often find ourselves hiding away in our cars or bathrooms, grappling with feelings of inadequacy without wanting to burden our children with our struggles.
It’s not entirely our fault that we feel this way. Society, parenting literature, and platforms like Pinterest bombard us with a barrage of what we should and shouldn’t be doing for our kids. The conflicting advice can leave us feeling like we’re constantly on the verge of failing our children. Added to that, many of us didn’t have the best role models growing up, making it all too easy to spiral into self-doubt.
But it’s time we stop this cycle of self-criticism.
When I start to feel overwhelmed, I remind myself that our children are in our lives for a reason. They came from us or were brought to us, and regardless of your beliefs about fate, we can be the parents they need. Perfection is not a prerequisite for good parenting. If you care enough to read this, you are already enough for your children. Love them to the best of your ability, and they will love you back—even when you make mistakes, which we all do.
Some of us may have significant challenges affecting our parenting. Some might be healing from past wounds, while others might feel stretched thin by life’s demands. Regardless of our individual circumstances, we must trust that we are enough for our kids.
In my 17 years of parenting experience, I’ve learned that children are incredibly forgiving, especially when we are honest with them about our shortcomings and apologize sincerely when we err. I’ve had to swallow my pride and say “I’m sorry” many times. Just recently, after my moment of frustration in the car, I walked into the house, gathered my kids, and said, “I’m sorry. I was feeling really frustrated, but I shouldn’t have yelled like that. That wasn’t fair. I apologize.” My middle child responded, “That’s okay, Mom. We all lose our cool sometimes when we’re frustrated.” Then, they hugged me and carried on with their day.
Kids are often far more forgiving than we give them credit for. Let’s take a cue from them and practice self-forgiveness. As long as we’re doing our best, we must believe we are enough for them.
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In summary, we must remember that as mothers, we are enough for our children. While the journey can be challenging, our love and efforts are what truly matter.