Being an adult often feels like an endless cycle of exhaustion. By the end of the day, I find myself worn out from juggling the kids, household chores, my job, and the myriad of details that seem to fall on my shoulders. After a long day, the last thing I want is to engage fully with my husband, yet that’s exactly what marriage sometimes demands.
And no, I’m not talking about the intimacy aspect. I’m referring to simply being present, capable of having conversations that go beyond the mundane logistics of parenting. I want to express my gratitude for the life we’re building together, as I genuinely rely on his support and wisdom. Staying awake past my usual bedtime is a challenge, especially since my husband is a night owl.
At the end of a taxing day, all I really want is to collapse into bed, binge-watch reality shows, and shut out the world—including my husband. It’s tempting to convince myself that after handling everything throughout the day, I deserve some alone time, to sit in silence and half-heartedly respond to his attempts at conversation from another room. Yes, I do deserve it, but that won’t sustain our marriage.
Some couples thrive on spending time together, and while I cherish my husband deeply, there are days when solitude feels essential after a long day. Navigating parenthood, anxiety, and self-care can be overwhelming, and often, my self-care means retreating into silence.
However, a successful marriage requires compromise. It can’t be one-sided; both partners must occasionally put their needs on the back burner to nurture their relationship. I practice self-care, but I also prioritize my husband’s needs. Sometimes, loving him takes conscious effort, and I’m sure he feels the same about me. This dynamic is what makes marriage both beautiful and messy.
It’s challenging, and it often takes time and a willingness to prioritize each other over personal desires. I know he craves connection just as much as I do, and I want to keep that bond strong after 15 years of marriage.
The beauty of our partnership lies in our willingness to make sacrifices for each other. Recently, my husband suggested we wake up early for a hike instead of going to the gym. He despises early mornings, and I’d much rather stick to my gym routine. But the underlying message was clear: he wanted to spend time with me.
So, we rose before dawn, drove up the canyon, and enjoyed an hour of hiking, sharing stories and holding hands—something we rarely get to do without interruption. It reaffirmed that we are in this together; we’ve made a commitment, and it requires effort from both sides.
Yes, marriage is hard work. While divorce can sometimes be the right choice, so too is the decision to fight for your relationship. A few years ago, we found ourselves struggling and sought counseling, which opened our eyes to the importance of nurturing our bond.
My current challenge is resisting the urge to retreat when I feel overwhelmed. I need to communicate that I genuinely want to spend time with him, even when parenting feels like too much. I know he is also striving to make me happy, and we are learning to balance our individual needs with each other’s desires.
It’s a constant trial and error, and while it’s never perfect, we’re making it work. Like many aspects of life, with dedication and sacrifice, we can create something beautiful.
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Summary
Marriage often requires putting your partner’s needs before your own, even when you’re exhausted. While self-care is vital, nurturing your relationship also takes effort. Finding the right balance can strengthen your bond and create a fulfilling partnership.