During a recent visit to my grandmother’s independent living community, I found myself on the floor playing cards with my mother and one of my daughters. It was the ninth day of our Midwest trip, where we were catching up with family—parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and my beloved grandma. Unfortunately, my other daughter had already thrown a tantrum over a toppled domino tower, so I was determined to keep the mood light.
Seeing my grandmother only once a year makes our time together particularly precious, and I wanted to avoid any behavior issues that can arise when traveling with school-aged children. As I played cards, I noticed my winning streak was causing some irritation. I have a knack for winning games—often by sheer luck—yet I refuse to let my older children win just to boost their spirits. After winning three games in a row, my daughter began to express her frustration, and her mood quickly soured.
Feeling embarrassed by her soon-to-be tantrum, I calmly suggested we take a break outside. I didn’t want to showcase her rudeness to my family. As soon as we stepped out, she burst into tears, declaring that she knew exactly what I was going to say about her behavior. She was indeed being rude, and I needed to address it.
I let her cry for a moment to gather my thoughts. When I spoke, I maintained my composure and confirmed her feelings of embarrassment and disappointment over losing, but I made it clear that her behavior was unacceptable. Just then, my grandmother stepped outside and sat in the chair next to my daughter, who was still sobbing.
“The challenge with games is that they don’t always end the way we hope,” Grandma began, recognizing the stress that our travel had placed on everyone. Then, she said something that resonated deeply. “We all love you.”
My daughter cried even harder. Grandma then asked, “Would it help if you heard that from your mom too?”
In a different context, I might have felt irritated by someone else stepping in during a stressful parenting moment. However, at that instant, it was the gentle reminder I needed. I reassured my daughter, “I love you, no matter how you behave or what you say.”
After a few more minutes in my lap, she calmed down, and we were able to return to our game before heading out for dinner. While she was slightly embarrassed that her great-grandmother witnessed her emotional outburst, I reminded her that Grandma’s words were the perfect antidote: love is unconditional.
While I don’t condone inappropriate behavior from children, I believe there are moments when compassion should take precedence over discipline. At her advanced age, my grandmother seems to grasp this truth more clearly than many of us do. Our children are imperfect beings, just like us. They experience disappointment, frustration, and humiliation. They deserve compassion.
The next day, when I found myself in a similar situation at the airport, I was grateful for the compassion shown to me by another mother traveling solo. Rather than judgment, I needed her kindness to help me regain my composure. While it’s essential to hold children accountable for their actions, they also need our understanding when they reveal their struggles.
Reflecting on that day, I am thankful for my 95-year-old grandma’s wisdom. Instead of launching into a lecture about sportsmanship, her gentle reminder of love and acceptance paved the way for healing. For more insights on navigating the challenges of parenting, you can check out resources like this article on home insemination or this excellent guide on IVF. Remember, compassion can change everything.
In summary, my grandmother’s insights into compassionate parenting serve as a reminder that our children are deserving of kindness, especially during their toughest moments. While discipline is important, fostering a loving environment can help them navigate their emotions more effectively.