Everything had to be perfectly arranged. Dishes in the right spot, cushions aligned just so, clothing neatly folded, toys stored away, and toothbrushes in a designated holder. I found solace and satisfaction when my surroundings were orderly. It made me feel tranquil, joyful, and in control.
However, as our family grew, achieving that state of perfection became increasingly difficult. I often found myself questioning whether my fixation on maintaining order was truly beneficial. The time it took for everything to transition from chaos to order became a source of stress, leading me to feel inadequate as a mom and a partner.
During the hectic period between my youngest child’s second birthday and my eldest’s fifth (yes, we were in the busy phase of having three kids under three), I came to a realization. Whether driven by necessity or a desperate need for sanity, I learned to embrace the chaos. This shift allowed me to accept that items didn’t have to be immediately returned to their rightful places.
I began pulling my clothes from a basket of clean but unfolded laundry, allowing toys to linger on the floor, and relaxing my insistence on immediate dishwashing. If only I could bottle that newfound perspective to share with other parents—I still have my days, after all.
It felt like a survival instinct kicked in. I simply couldn’t continue racing to restore order at every moment. My anxiety manifested physically—I experienced sleepless nights, hyperventilation while driving, and tears streaming down my face during moments that should have been joyous. I even deplaned an aircraft after succumbing to my fears.
A change was necessary. I decided that a bit of disorder was acceptable and that it didn’t need to be resolved instantly. Yes, our floors may not be spotless, the bathroom counters have toothpaste smudges, and unfolded laundry sits beside me, but I no longer feel compelled to respond to their silent cries for order. I tackle them when I can.
And you know what? Everything is just fine. My children are thriving, our home isn’t overrun by pests, I still wear clean clothes to work, and my relationship with my husband remains strong. Best of all, I feel more at ease.
Don’t misunderstand me; I still appreciate a tidy environment. However, I refuse to let the process of getting things in order rob me of my happiness. Instead of using my rare moments of free time to tidy up, I now engage in activities that truly bring me joy—sipping coffee in solitude during the quiet morning hours, writing, running, reading, experimenting in the kitchen, socializing with friends, and going to bed early.
Sure, it’s gratifying to have my belongings organized, but prioritizing my well-being first has brought me even greater satisfaction. If you’re interested in exploring ways to grow your family, check out this article on at-home insemination kits at Make a Mom. For more insights on this topic, Modern Family Blog provides valuable resources. Additionally, you can visit ACOG for excellent information regarding fertility treatment options.
In summary, learning to relax my standards and embrace the chaos has transformed my perspective on motherhood and happiness.