Like a significant number of pregnant women—between 14% and 23%—I faced the challenge of depression. But my experience was not just a mild case; it was a profound struggle marked by panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, and relentless crying spells. Despite having battled mental health issues for years, this was a new level of fear intensified by my pregnancy.
Initially, I was prescribed a mild anti-anxiety medication, but eventually, I found myself on the SSRI Zoloft. The thought of taking medication during pregnancy was daunting, and like many, I was wary of the potential risks. However, I quickly realized that the consequences of untreated depression were far worse for both me and my baby.
By 2010, 1 in 4 women were reported to be on antidepressants. This statistic suggests that a significant portion of mothers—around 25%—are reliant on some form of antidepressant, not to mention those taking anti-anxiety medications like Xanax. I am not alone in needing support to navigate parenting while managing mental illness.
There’s a heavy cloud of shame that often surrounds this dependency. Many of us feel that if we were better individuals—free from mental illness—we wouldn’t require assistance in the essential parenting tasks that seem effortless for others. While medication can indeed provide relief, it cannot resolve every challenge we face.
We may struggle to maintain our composure when our toddlers have tantrums or when we forget a lunch for a school event. In moments of stress, we might lash out, projecting our frustrations onto our children. This behavior stems from a lack of patience, often exacerbated by the overwhelming demands of parenting. We may feel guilty when we perceive others as more resilient, which adds to our already heightened anxiety.
The worry never ends. We find ourselves plagued by intrusive thoughts: What if we encounter an emergency? What if our child falls ill? What if our partner doesn’t return home? These thoughts can spiral, leading to late-night searches for life insurance policies to ensure our children are taken care of. The toll of this mental burden is exhausting.
The exact number of mothers grappling with mental illness is difficult to ascertain beyond the 1-in-4 statistic regarding antidepressant use. According to the UK’s Joint Commissioning Panel for Mental Health, about 3% of mothers may experience severe depression, while 10-15% could face mild to moderate anxiety or depressive disorders. I fall into the 0.2% category, as I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, treatment-resistant depression, generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), and ADHD after the birth of my third child.
Consequently, my reliance on medication has evolved. I no longer take just one SSRI; I manage a regimen that includes multiple medications for depression, bipolar disorder, ADHD, and anxiety. If I skip my medication, I quickly find myself snapping at my kids or feeling overwhelmed. I need my Klonopin to function effectively as a parent.
While I sometimes grapple with feelings of guilt or sadness about my dependency, I also recognize the transformation that medication brings. Within 15 minutes of taking my anxiety medication, I can shift from a frazzled parent to one who is engaged, cooking, and organizing activities.
Some may view this reliance on medication as a weakness, believing that if I were stronger or more virtuous, I could manage without it. As one insightful blogger, Jacob, discusses in his post on Real Parenting Perspectives, the term “crutch” is often used negatively, though a crutch is simply a tool for support. Mental illness is a disability, and acknowledging this fact is crucial.
Imagine if people were told to stop taking insulin for diabetes; the absurdity of that notion highlights the inconsistency in our societal attitudes towards mental health. I, too, experience shame and anger about the stigma surrounding psychiatric medications. I worry about how my children will perceive me.
However, I make it a priority to communicate openly with my kids. I apologize when I lose my temper and explain that my brain chemistry can lead to moments of distress. I often ponder whether they will remember me as someone defined by mental illness rather than as the loving parent I strive to be. Yet the truth remains: I am a more effective parent when I am on my medication.
I actively work to manage my illness by attending therapy, taking time for self-care, exercising, and engaging in activities I love. But above all, I understand that medication is vital to my ability to parent effectively. Just as someone might rely on a crutch, I, too, need these tools to navigate the complexities of parenting.
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In summary, acknowledging the need for medication while parenting is a vital part of many mothers’ journeys. It’s essential to recognize that relying on these tools does not signify weakness but rather a commitment to being the best parent we can be.