It’s 10:30 p.m., and my daughter stirs to head to the bathroom. As she flicks on the light, my son’s voice drifts from his room: “Mom, what time are we going to the park tomorrow?” Both of them went to bed two hours ago, yet sleep remains elusive. It’s likely they won’t nod off for another 30 to 60 minutes.
Our two youngest, ages 13 and 8, are true night owls. They often stay awake as late as my husband and I do, typically around 10:30 or 11:00 p.m. They may settle into bed by 8:30 or 9:00, but their bodies and minds just aren’t ready to sleep.
Over the years, we’ve experimented with numerous strategies to encourage earlier bedtimes. Our bedtime routine is consistent, so that’s not the problem. We ensure they get ample physical activity and fresh air during the day. We’ve limited screen time and enforced a strict “no screens after dinner” policy to help regulate their circadian rhythms. We’ve tried moving bedtime earlier and later, waking them up early, and even using guided sleep meditations, soothing music, audiobooks, and silence. Their room is kept dark and quiet.
Yet, none of these measures seem to help. The only method that consistently aids in them falling asleep faster is a small dose (1 mg) of melatonin. However, we’re hesitant to rely on it long-term due to uncertain effects on their hormonal development. We occasionally use it, with our pediatrician’s approval, when they need to wake up early for a specific event. Otherwise, we let them follow their natural sleep patterns.
Fortunately, as we homeschool, we have the flexibility to accommodate their schedules. It’s uncommon for them to need to wake up very early, so they still get adequate sleep, just on a later timeframe—from 11 p.m. to around 8:30 or 9 a.m., instead of the conventional 9 p.m. to 6:30 or 7 a.m. If they were in school, I can only imagine the challenges we’d face.
We didn’t foresee this situation. Our first child was an early riser and early sleeper. In their early years, our younger two would also go to bed early, but as time passed, their tendency to stay awake grew. Our pediatrician explained that some children naturally have a later sleep cycle.
I tend to blame my husband for this; he recalls being awake for hours as a child. Although he has adjusted to a more average sleep schedule over the last 19 years, he was definitely a night owl in his youth. I, on the other hand, have always been an early bird, making it difficult for me to understand their night-owl nature.
While I wish for an earlier bedtime for them, I value my quiet evening hours to unwind after a busy day. Now that our oldest is a teenager, she too has adopted a later sleep pattern, so I’ve shifted my recharge time to the mornings. After years of battling against my kids’ natural rhythms, I’ve come to accept it. We still encourage them to get into bed at a reasonable hour, but we no longer stress over when they fall asleep. They always do, eventually.
Our pediatrician reassures us that as long as they consistently go to sleep around the same time and get a full night’s rest, having a shifted sleep schedule isn’t inherently problematic. Observing how our eldest’s sleep habits have changed with age, I’ve decided not to worry. We’ve adopted the philosophy of “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” regarding our kids’ late-night habits.
After the sleep deprivation of their baby and toddler years, I’m just grateful that everyone sleeps soundly through the night. Sure, their nights may begin later, but as long as they are happy and healthy, why worry?
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In summary, while we navigated the trials of child sleep patterns, we’ve learned to embrace our kids’ night owl tendencies. With understanding and flexibility, we find a balance that keeps our family happy and healthy.