It was just days before my daughter’s second birthday when I stumbled upon the term “highly sensitive.” At the time, I didn’t grasp its true meaning and dismissed it as yet another trend invented by overly cautious parents seeking to label their emotional children in a way that made them sound more resilient. I believed it was merely a catchy phrase with no real substance.
I was mistaken.
As my daughter transitioned from a babbling baby to a lively, intuitive, and emotional toddler—navigating the tumultuous “terrible twos” into the bewildering “threes”—I began to notice significant changes in her behavior. It became clear that she was different.
Like any modern parent, I turned to the internet for insights into her unique behaviors. Almost a year later, the term “highly sensitive” resurfaced in my searches, and I found myself reading articles and joining discussions that suggested my daughter fit the profile of a highly sensitive person (HSP). And you know what? She was. She is. And I discovered that I am too.
Understanding Highly Sensitive People
So, what exactly characterizes my daughter—this brilliant, spirited, and sassy little girl—as “highly sensitive”? The answer lies in understanding what being an HSP truly means.
Contrary to common misconceptions—and my initial assumptions—being highly sensitive doesn’t equate to being overly emotional or weak. It doesn’t imply that a person is whiny or dramatic. Instead, it means that the individual has a nervous system that is particularly responsive to various stimuli—be it visual, auditory, tactile, or social. Do loud noises unsettle you? Does scratchy clothing drive you mad? Do you feel anxious about surprises? If so, you might be an HSP.
However, being an HSP encompasses more than just a checklist of traits. Many HSPs are genuinely compassionate individuals. For instance, my daughter reacts strongly when I comb through her hair, cries when I raise my voice, and tears up during emotional movie scenes—not because she can’t handle it, but because her empathy for the characters runs deep. When Mufasa dies in “The Lion King,” her heart breaks not just for Mufasa but for Simba too. “Is he okay?” she asks. “Will he be alright?”
The Unique Lens of HSPs
HSPs, like my daughter and me, experience the world through a unique lens, feeling emotions more intensely than others. For instance, when asked about dinner plans, I often hesitate, overwhelmed by the pressure of choosing “correctly.” The prospect of making the “wrong choice” weighs heavily on me, leading to unnecessary ruminations.
When someone confides in me about their struggles, I instinctively seek ways to help, often worrying about their wellbeing for days on end. Cancellations of plans lead me to question my actions, as HSPs often take things personally. They tend to be perfectionists and people-pleasers.
While my daughter is currently more decisive at her age, she still shows concern for her friends. In her dance class, she’s affectionately dubbed the “class mom,” a testament to her nurturing spirit. However, she feels genuine hurt when peers ignore her or don’t engage in play. She interprets every interaction as personal, believing that everyone is a friend.
The Challenges of Raising an Empathetic Child
Raising an empathetic child can be particularly challenging—especially when you share the same sensitivity. Each time she faces loss or disappointment, my heart aches for her. But as her mother, I understand her struggles without needing to explain them. I empathize and strive to acknowledge her feelings, discussing them in ways that resonate with both of us.
Being an HSP has its challenges, but it’s not all negative. HSPs are often gentle, kind, and creative, with a strong sense of responsibility. I recognize that my daughter may find it difficult to see this “gift,” particularly during times of distress. However, I hope that through open communication, I can help her develop self-empathy and the ability to care for herself as deeply as she cares for others.
One day, I hope both of us can embrace our sensitivity and love ourselves as wholly and completely as we love those around us.
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Summary
This article explores the nuances of raising a highly sensitive child, highlighting the unique challenges and strengths that come with sensitivity. It emphasizes the importance of empathy, understanding, and open communication between parent and child.