In the morning, I’m a powerhouse. I’ve got an entire day ahead of me, filled with ambitions and aspirations. I vow to make healthy choices, meditate, work out, stay hydrated, and be the best mom ever. I’m ready to tackle everything on my to-do list like a champ. (Maybe the caffeine is influencing my outlook, but who knows?)
Then reality hits. On some days, it hits before the sun has even fully risen, especially when the rest of the household starts to stir. Suddenly, my priorities shift, and my identity morphs from a determined individual to just “Mom,” the one who juggles endless responsibilities and wipes down countless surfaces. I zip around the house, addressing everyone else’s needs—cooking, teaching, comforting—only to repeat the cycle again and again.
By evening, my inner rockstar has vanished without a trace, leaving me wondering what happened to my ambitious self. She’s ghosted me. All the resolutions I made earlier in the day slip from my memory as I enter survival mode. My motivation is depleted, and my willpower is nonexistent. I’m completely drained.
Most nights find me collapsed on the couch after tucking the kids in for the umpteenth time, sometimes indulging in too many snacks or pouring one too many glasses of wine while zoning out to mind-numbing television. All I can think about is treating myself to a bowl of ice cream, topped with chocolate sauce and perhaps a dollop of peanut butter. Maybe I’ll find some solace in this glass of chardonnay or that one.
See? My willpower is virtually nonexistent.
It turns out, I’m not alone in this struggle. Many of us grapple with willpower, defined as the ability to resist short-term temptations to achieve long-term goals. Take, for instance, the challenge of refraining from devouring an entire chocolate cake late at night simply to avoid feeling bloated for days. A 2011 Stress in America Survey revealed that 27% of individuals cited lack of willpower as the primary obstacle to making positive changes in their lives. But is willpower a finite resource? Some researchers propose the concept of “willpower depletion,” suggesting that using up your willpower on small tasks throughout the day can leave you vulnerable to succumbing to temptations by the evening.
You can expend your willpower in various ways, from resisting the urge to shake your partner awake during a loud snore to holding back from throwing all the uneaten meals into the trash because no one seems to appreciate your efforts. I spend my willpower on biting my tongue against rude comments or opting for cucumbers when all I want is a generous portion of fried cheese. I try to summon my inner Patient Mom instead of letting the frustrated version of me take over.
So, what happens when our willpower runs dry?
For me, the chaos of the evening ensues. By the time night falls, I’ve expended all my energy and willpower. I retreat to a glass of wine or a pepperoni pizza while binge-watching “Orange Is the New Black.” I tell my morning self to loosen up and enjoy life a bit, convincing myself that those Oreo cookies will only go stale if I don’t consume them all.
As my kids grow older, I’ve noticed that I’m rediscovering my own identity during the day. I’m less frequently left staring blankly at my reflection after they’ve gone to bed, wondering where the day went. With a little more self-affirmation in the daylight hours, I find that I’m less likely to self-sabotage come evening. The nighttime chaos is becoming somewhat more manageable, thank goodness.
For those of you still navigating this challenging phase of motherhood, I empathize with you. It’s a beautiful yet mind-boggling journey, and we’re fortunate to emerge with nothing more than stretch marks and a few extra pounds. We’ll get through this season, perhaps with a few more laughs and a newfound appreciation for self-care. If you’re interested in exploring topics related to pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource on artificial insemination. Additionally, you can learn more about the BabyMaker Home Insemination Syringe Kit on one of our other blog posts.
In summary, many mothers face the evening battle of dwindling willpower, often giving in to indulgences after a long day of caring for others. It’s a common experience, and recognizing this can help us navigate through it with a bit more grace and understanding.