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Holidays like the 4th of July can be particularly tough for friends going through a divorce. I remember when I was married, we spent every 4th of July in my ex-husband’s tiny hometown, filled with barbecues, badminton games, and relaxing days on the river while watching fireworks from a boat. I eagerly anticipated that trip each year, and my kids cherished it even more. With poor cell reception, they could enjoy the water and indulge in junk food, while their dad took the entire week off for family bonding. But everything changed after our separation.
When I spent my first 4th of July alone five years ago, it was more difficult than I had imagined. It was the summer following my ex’s departure, and he had asked well in advance to take the kids to the lake for the week. I agreed, wanting them to continue our beloved tradition. I planned to keep busy with friends, read, and embrace the solitude. However, it turned out to be much harder than I anticipated.
One moment I felt fine, and the next, I found myself in tears, resting my head on the steering wheel at the sight of a family crossing the street with mini flags. I couldn’t even bear to go to the local parade because of the flood of memories. In the years since, my ex has continued the lake trip with the kids, and I’ve often spent that week working to distract myself. One year, I even cleaned my house and read three books just to cope. Other times, I’ve gone to the beach with friends, as the thought of the 4th without my kids remained painful.
Now I find myself at a different lake with my boyfriend and his family, still missing my children. Sometimes, I think it might be easier to stay home alone, but I know I need to keep moving forward. My boyfriend understands it’s still tough for me, and he respects my need for space when I drop the kids off with their dad.
I expected the bigger holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving to be the hardest after the divorce. Yet, not being with my kids on the 4th of July—while others gathered for cookouts—hit me harder than I ever imagined. If you have a divorced friend facing a holiday without their kids, reach out to them. They may feel isolated and reluctant to impose on your plans.
If you’re spending a holiday with a divorced friend who seems quiet or withdrawn, be patient and understanding. Their silence may stem from the sadness of missing their kids and the family traditions they’ve lost. Even though they want their children to enjoy themselves, the reality of their kids making memories without them can be painful.
Single parents may never fully overcome the absence of their children during holidays. While it becomes easier over time, the sting remains. Some days they may feel strong, while others are filled with nostalgia and complex emotions. A simple text or call to check in during a holiday can truly brighten their day, reminding them that someone cares during this significant life transition.
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