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Parenting is not about shaping your children into replicas of yourself.
I recently brought my daughter to the gym with me. She has been exercising at home with limited equipment and expressed interest in using the weight machines at the gym. When she asked if she could invite her friend, I agreed—fully aware that I would need to resist the urge to remind her that this was her opportunity to pursue her own interests rather than spending the whole time chatting.
Unfortunately, my fears were confirmed: she spent most of her time standing next to her friend as they explored the weight machines, rather than diving in and working out herself. After about thirty minutes, she finally began to engage, but only after her friend had already used the equipment. Instead of seizing the chance she had been looking forward to for months, my daughter held back and followed her friend’s lead. I had to keep my thoughts to myself, even though I couldn’t help but think she might have been better off without her friend there.
My daughter has always been more of a follower than a leader, unlike me. I’ve always been independent, comfortable doing things on my own, whether that means dining solo, introducing myself to strangers, or experimenting with fashion that others might not understand. I often find it challenging to accept that she struggles with these experiences and that I must be patient with her.
Time and again, I’ve watched her shrink in the face of pressure. She prefers to blend in and dress like her friends. If one of them shows up in a purple dress, she needs one too. When her best friend decided she disliked dresses, my daughter followed suit. Even when her classmates expressed interest in playing lacrosse, she joined the team—but not out of a desire to be a star player. She has no interest in being the center of attention, despising having her picture taken and avoiding large birthday parties. As her mother, I’m trying to navigate this balance. I want her to think for herself and make her own choices, but I also recognize how uncomfortable she feels when I encourage her to be more vocal or independent. In these moments, she often shuts down entirely, crying or withdrawing instead of taking action.
Trying to mold her into someone she isn’t does not work for either of us and only dampens our relationship. It’s crucial for me that she finds her own voice, and I’ve learned that this doesn’t mean forcing her to adopt my definition of leadership. It’s about nurturing her individuality—helping her develop her voice, not imposing mine on her. I’m learning to ask her how she feels about different situations when they arise. The truth is, she does know what she enjoys. She loves spending time with animals and has dedicated countless hours volunteering at the animal shelter. We often visit the pet store together, and she follows various farming and animal groups on social media, which brings her peace. She takes responsibility for her own pets, so why should I push her toward pursuits that don’t resonate with her soul?
Last night, I took her to the gym again. This time, she confidently did her own thing. Maybe it was simply because it was just the two of us, without a friend around. But I also understand that had I questioned her about why she followed her friend during our first visit, she might never have wanted to return.
Parenting is not about transforming your kids into someone they’re not; it’s about honoring who they are and guiding them in listening to their instincts and making their own choices.
If you’re looking for more insights on parenting and related topics, check out this blog post or explore resources like Make a Mom for information about home insemination. For valuable guidance on pregnancy, visit Womens Health.
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Summary:
Navigating the differences between a parent and child can be challenging. This article reflects on a mother’s experience with her daughter, who is more of a follower than a leader. It emphasizes the importance of allowing children to find their own voices and make their own choices, rather than trying to mold them into someone they’re not. The mother learns to be patient and supportive, understanding her daughter’s unique preferences and strengths.
Keyphrase: Parenting and Individuality
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