I Never Expected My Son’s Autism to Impact His Little Sister

A mother’s journey to understand the challenges of raising two children with vastly different needs.

By Clara M. Thompson

When my son Alex and daughter Mia were infants, I vowed to create a nurturing and secure environment for them. I believed that providing a calm home was a cornerstone of effective parenting. However, everything changed when Alex began exhibiting aggressive behavior toward Mia.

Diagnosed with autism at age five, Alex’s unpredictable and often violent actions have become increasingly concerning. At nearly ten years old, he sometimes lashes out at Mia, who is just eight and much smaller. In moments of rage, he has attempted to strangle her and even pushed her down the stairs.

Simultaneously, Mia transformed from a fearless, adventurous child into one riddled with anxiety. She developed a fear of crowds, flinched at loud noises, and became irrationally terrified of tornadoes, despite their rarity in our area. Her fear extended to individuals using wheelchairs or crutches, believing that proximity to them would result in similar disabilities. This anxiety manifested physically, with frequent stomachaches and an overwhelming dread of our house catching fire. School became a source of stress, leading to sleepless nights filled with worry.

I couldn’t ignore the connection between Mia’s anxiety and Alex’s actions. It became clear that my daughter no longer felt safe in her own home. My overwhelming focus on managing Alex’s needs led to neglecting Mia’s emotional state, and she was in desperate need of support.

I took the initiative to contact her school for a social-emotional assessment. Over several weeks, Mia met with the school psychologist, completing various standardized tests that required her to express her feelings in different contexts. I also filled out detailed questionnaires regarding her anxiety levels. The school compiled the data into a report, and we scheduled a meeting to discuss an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) for Mia.

When the psychologist called, I sensed the gravity of the situation. During testing, when asked what made her sad, Mia immediately responded with, “my brother.” She even expressed to the therapist that her life would be better without Alex. In a color-coded assessment of her family, Mia assigned green to her parents and red to her brother.

Research supports our family’s experiences, indicating that siblings of children with autism often face emotional struggles when their needs are overlooked. These siblings may internalize feelings of sadness, fear, and loneliness, which can lead to physical symptoms like headaches and stomachaches. Mia’s psychological assessment revealed her internalizing behaviors as “clinically significant,” confirming my fears about her struggles and guiding me in how to best support her.

I also learned to recognize Alex’s triggers to intervene before outbursts occur. Additionally, I doubled my efforts with his therapists to address his violent tendencies, especially towards Mia. Understanding both children’s needs has been crucial.

Finding a therapist for Mia presented its own challenges, particularly in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, when demand for mental health services surged. I placed Mia on multiple waitlists, emphasizing my flexibility with appointment times. To my relief, she quickly moved to the top of a list and secured a spot.

Reflecting on Alex’s autism diagnosis four years ago, I realized I had much to learn about navigating the complexities of family dynamics. I wish I could offer a simple solution for the anxiety that comes with having a sibling with ASD. However, our family’s journey has taught me the importance of balancing attention between both children, ensuring that neither is left feeling neglected.

For more insights on the challenges of parenting, check out this piece on sibling dynamics in families with autism.

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In summary, my journey as a mother has illuminated the profound effects of autism on family dynamics. While I strive to support both my son and daughter, I have learned that it’s critical to address each child’s needs equally. This experience has reshaped my understanding of parenting and highlighted the importance of vigilance in ensuring every child’s emotional well-being.

Keyphrase: Autism and Sibling Anxiety

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