Choosing to End a Pregnancy for the Well-Being of My Children

I cannot bring another child into this world. My partner and I have come to the difficult decision that if I were to become pregnant again, we “wouldn’t proceed,” a euphemism for two people who might have welcomed another child under different circumstances, but now must face reality.

My experiences with pregnancy have been fraught with challenges. By my third pregnancy, I was hospitalized briefly due to hyperemesis gravidarum — I was so ill that I couldn’t maintain the pregnancy. I needed extensive iron infusions to address anemia, and gestational diabetes forced me to administer insulin injections multiple times a day. We were struggling financially, relying heavily on credit cards, while my partner managed our two young sons, then aged one and three. I was often bedridden, sleeping for 16 hours a day, battling nausea and fatigue.

Fast forward to today, I find myself homeschooling my second, fourth, and sixth graders. My partner teaches at a local high school. If I were to become pregnant, my children would have to transition into an unfamiliar school system, all while navigating the complexities of a COVID-19 environment.

However, terminating a pregnancy may soon be out of reach. It could drastically alter my children’s lives, and I would feel powerless.

Living in a conservative state with a motto that echoes “Thank God for Mississippi,” we recently enacted a “heartbeat law.” Similar to Texas’ legislation, it mandates invasive ultrasounds to check for fetal cardiac activity before any abortion can take place. This can often be detected as early as six weeks into pregnancy, which is essentially two weeks after conception — typically when a woman’s period is due. Once a heartbeat is detected, abortion becomes illegal except in cases of rape, incest, or when the mother’s life is in jeopardy.

If our conservative court overturns Roe v. Wade, as they are set to deliberate on Dobbs v. Jackson’s Women’s Health Cooperative, it would strip away a woman’s right to choose an abortion up until fetal viability (around 22-24 weeks). While our heartbeat law is currently blocked federally, that protection hinges on Roe. If Roe is overturned, the block will fail, and obtaining an abortion in my state would become impossible. I would then be forced to seek care in another state.

Despite my desire for another child, I know that for the sake of my sons, that isn’t feasible. Their lives would be disrupted; their activities and outings would take a backseat to my health. All three of them have severe ADHD, which is why we chose to homeschool. Though treatable with medication, my 10-year-old struggles to focus for extended periods and often reacts strongly to challenges. They are also all highly gifted, classified as twice-exceptional (2E), which presents its own set of challenges in traditional educational settings.

My 8-year-old has a stutter and is sensitive to the world around him. The mere idea of bullying brought him to tears, highlighting his gentle nature. Yet, under current circumstances, my state would throw him into an underprepared second-grade classroom, exposing him to a system that is far from ideal.

My 11-year-old would face a similar fate, thrust into middle school without having learned the essential skills that come from years of schooling. Suddenly, he would need to master homework management and navigate the complexities of middle school life, all while managing his ADHD.

You may find it amusing that my children have never attended school. However, their unique needs mean that an unexpected pregnancy would leave them unprepared for such a transition, and I would hardly have the energy to attend IEP meetings, or engage in necessary discussions with their school principal.

My children deserve to maintain their current quality of life. If Roe were to be overturned, that right could change the moment I crossed state lines. The elimination of Roe would shift the landscape of reproductive rights in our country, leading to unsafe practices and dire consequences.

The media often highlights the impact of overturning Roe on women and families. However, it’s crucial to consider the children who will bear the brunt of their mothers losing the right to make choices regarding their pregnancies.

For women like me living in conservative states, if our contraception fails, we will need to travel for medical care. If travel isn’t an option, we will have to endure an unwanted pregnancy. Our choices would diminish significantly.

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In summary, the decision to terminate a pregnancy is not taken lightly, especially when considering the well-being of existing children. The implications of losing the right to choose could create significant challenges for families, affecting not just the mothers but also the children who depend on them.

Keyphrase: Ending a pregnancy for children’s well-being

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