The Unwritten Rule of Mom Club? Sleep Is Off-Limits

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When parents approach me to boast about their little ones sleeping soundly through the night, I can’t help but think of the cardinal rule of our unspoken Mom Club: we don’t discuss sleep. I get it; you’re excited about your child’s progress and the newfound freedom it brings. You may even feel compelled to share your secrets for achieving that elusive peaceful night. But let’s keep it to ourselves, shall we?

Sleep—especially baby sleep—is a minefield of opinions, and everyone seems eager to share theirs. I remember vividly, mere moments after giving birth, when a well-meaning stranger asked, “So, how’s he sleeping?” With my newborn still slick from birth, I stupidly replied, “Oh, he wakes up every hour.” Rookie mistake, right? This honesty opened the floodgates for unsolicited advice.

“Have you tried co-sleeping?”
“You need to let him cry it out!”
“Just put him in his own room!”
And the list goes on…

As a mom of three, each with their own unique sleep habits, I can now filter through the noise, but as a new parent, every well-intentioned tip felt like it could be the magic solution. I was utterly exhausted, battling nursing challenges that required me to feed and pump every two hours. My son would only sleep when I bounced him on an exercise ball, which felt like a torture session for my thighs.

I had already embraced co-sleeping, wore him throughout the day, and read every book on gentle sleep training. Yet, my baby still didn’t sleep. The only suggestion I hadn’t tried yet was letting him cry it out, which seemed to loom over me like a specter I knew I had to confront.

I watched friends eagerly anticipate sleep training, and I longed to be that organized parent. I talked about it to my husband, family, and even other moms at the playground—my obsession was palpable. But when the time came, I found myself overwhelmed and couldn’t go through with it. I felt like a complete failure.

Then one afternoon, I dared to step out for lunch with friends while my husband stayed home with our son. The thought of leaving my baby for an extended period was nerve-wracking, but I knew both my husband and son needed this time together. I imagined their day might mirror mine: a quick walk before the inevitable cries began, diaper changes, and reruns of reality TV.

So, it was a shock when my husband texted me that my son was asleep in his crib. I felt a rush of joy—until I read that he had cried for 20 minutes. Anger and guilt surged through me. How could he let our baby cry it out? We hadn’t planned it that way! But in retrospect, my child survived, and so did my husband.

That moment didn’t magically lead to smooth nights of uninterrupted sleep. Instead, it taught me that parenting is a deeply emotional and often chaotic journey. Just as there isn’t a single way to feed or diaper your baby, there’s no one correct method for handling sleep.

My firstborn, who will be 5 soon, has two younger siblings, each with their own sleep preferences. One loves his crib, while the other snuggles up with us at night. They wake for water, bad dreams, or just because. Right now, I’m sitting in a bedroom filled with three mattresses after indulging in a family sleepover my kids begged for. Sure, I still get tired and sometimes wish I could have done the cry-it-out method, but I’ve come to accept that our approach to sleep is just fine as it is.

This is our reality, our way of parenting, and I appreciate it more than I ever thought possible. And you know what? We don’t talk about sleep.

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In summary, while sleep may be a contentious topic among parents, the reality is that every family finds their own rhythm. Embrace your unique parenting style without the pressure of comparison.

Keyphrase: Baby sleep advice

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