We Skip Family Dinners — Here’s What We Do Instead

You can find countless parenting advisors extolling the virtues of family dinners. They claim that gathering around the dining table each evening can enhance children’s academic performance, bolster mental well-being, and decrease the likelihood of depression, eating disorders, and substance abuse.

The idyllic image of family dinners—where everyone joyfully shares their day’s experiences—led me to strive for this norm for years. Yet, I often felt like a failure because we simply couldn’t make it work. That was until I acknowledged that the pressure to have family dinners is rooted in unrealistic expectations that don’t align with many families, including my own. I’ve now embraced our unconventional approach to mealtime.

Instead of sitting around the dinner table, we break the cardinal rule of mealtime by taking our plates to the couch and watching TV. Gasp! But here’s the thing: it works for us.

We adopted this new routine during the early days of the pandemic. With our dining table doubling as a workspace and everything feeling chaotic, why force traditional dinners? So we decided to enjoy our meals while indulging in some good old-fashioned binge-watching.

Critics of this “distraction-filled family dinner” philosophy argue that it lacks the connection that a conventional family meal offers; I disagree. For us, watching TV during dinner has actually strengthened our bond. With one teen and a nearly-teen, we’ve found common ground in our choice of shows. This evening ritual has given us something to look forward to amidst the pandemic’s stress.

Our TV dinner routine has not only kept us connected but has also introduced new conversation starters. We’ve shared laughs and discussions around shows like Friday Night Lights, New Girl, Never Have I Ever, The Office, Outer Banks, and Ted Lasso. These shared experiences have led to new inside jokes and discussions about significant topics like relationships and social issues.

There are many reasons why traditional family dinners don’t suit every household. Some parents work late, kids have evening commitments, and not every family enjoys forced conversations around the table. Each family is unique.

When it comes to the claimed benefits of family dinners—such as improved grades and self-esteem, and reduced risks of teen pregnancy and substance abuse—there isn’t a universal solution. What truly matters is the connection between family members. It’s essential that we engage with our kids, especially teens, in a manner that feels natural for everyone involved. Building strong relationships is paramount so that when challenges arise, they feel comfortable seeking our guidance.

In today’s parenting landscape, we often hear about what we should do to raise happy and successful children, but less emphasis is placed on simply enjoying our time with them. I’m less concerned about adhering to the family dinner tradition—even if it might boost my kids’ grades—and more focused on fostering a close-knit relationship through our relaxed dinners on the couch. After all, isn’t that the ultimate goal?

For more on this topic, you might want to check out one of our other blog posts here. If you’re exploring family dynamics or home insemination, Make a Mom offers an excellent range of resources. Additionally, Healthline provides valuable insights into pregnancy and home insemination.

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In summary, while traditional family dinners may not work for everyone, what matters most is the connection we foster with our children. Our unique approach—enjoying meals in front of the TV—has allowed us to bond and communicate in ways that suit our family dynamics.

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