Since the Pandemic, More People Are Embracing ‘Purposeful’ Dating

When I ventured back into the dating scene after losing my partner and prior to the pandemic, one of my initial dates cautioned me about the app-driven dating world. He mentioned that it often felt like an instant gratification culture where quantity was prioritized over quality. (Yes, I panicked, and no, I didn’t see him again for other reasons.) Whatever dating was back then, it certainly lacked intention.

Then came March 2020. COVID-19 abruptly halted life as we knew it. Amidst the fear and uncertainty, everything stopped—schools, businesses, social lives. Over the last year and a half, things have started to resume (somewhat timidly, but that’s another discussion). Almost nothing that has returned resembles its former self. The pandemic transformed everything—from our work habits to travel norms, and even, as it turns out, our dating practices. Since the pandemic, an increasing number of people are prioritizing purposeful dating.

A 2021 study by Match surveyed 5,000 singles and discovered that 58 percent of app users have shifted toward “purposeful dating.” The results indicated that 53 percent of app daters were more focused on finding a relationship than before the pandemic, 53 percent were reconsidering the qualities they desired in a match, nearly 70 percent were being more open with potential partners, and 44 percent were engaging in deeper conversations with their matches.

Research from Hinge Labs supported these findings, revealing that “singles took time during the pandemic to reflect on their dating lives, prompting them to slow down and genuinely consider what they seek in a partner while breaking free from harmful dating habits.”

What Is Purposeful Dating?

The term “purposeful dating” sounds appealing. I’m a strong advocate for being intentional in all aspects of life. But what does it mean in modern dating, especially when a plethora of potential matches is just a swipe away? Purposeful dating simply means slowing down. It involves stepping away from the casual swipe culture and being more mindful throughout the process. It requires reflecting on what you genuinely desire in a partner and assessing patterns that might be hindering your search.

In practice, this could entail moving away from matching with numerous individuals and scheduling multiple dates each week to instead focusing on getting to know someone before meeting face-to-face. It’s a transition towards prioritizing quality over quantity.

Why the Shift to Purposeful Dating?

The move toward purposeful dating is understandable, considering how the pandemic altered our lives. In the early days, anyone outside our immediate bubble had to be approached with caution. Loneliness surged. We all had to reassess what we desired from life and the individuals we allowed into it.

Dr. Sarah Mitchell, a sociology professor at Crestview University and author of the book The Love Equation, highlighted this in an interview, stating, “People experienced loneliness and took this time to evaluate their priorities and what they truly wanted from relationships.”

Professor Max Anderson from Riverside University noted that while it’s true that “pandemics tend to diminish the excitement of casual dating,” the shift to purposeful dating in a post-lockdown environment is part of a broader trend that had already been underway. His research suggests that over the last decade, individuals have increasingly turned to dating apps to seek serious relationships rather than casual flings.

The Benefits of Purposeful Dating

Purposeful dating may or may not resonate with you. It’s definitely not a universal approach to dating. However, many experts view this shift as a positive development. Janet Greene, a matchmaker and CEO of Lasting Connections, believes that slowing down can create more opportunities for those looking to connect.

“People often swiped excessively on dating apps, in search of their ‘ideal type,’ which is an unrealistic notion,” she explained. With a focus on intention, it becomes easier to understand that ‘perfect’ means something different for everyone.

Purposeful dating doesn’t have to imply searching for a long-term relationship. Some individuals are simply being more deliberate about how, when, and why they swipe. This could mean refraining from swiping while on a date or trying to be more present in the moment. Others, like myself, are concentrating on intentionality in dating—avoiding milestones just because time has passed or rushing into situations due to societal expectations.

Whether you’re single or not, contemplating dating or not, and whether you practice purposeful dating or not, the past year and a half has compelled us all to reassess our values. We’ve had to reflect on who truly matters to us and why, as well as consider the kind of future we wish to create. Overall, it’s a trend that resonates with many.

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In summary, the pandemic has prompted many to embrace a more thoughtful approach to dating, encouraging individuals to seek meaningful connections and reflect on their desires and priorities in relationships.

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