I Don’t Want More Kids, But I Miss Being Pregnant

pregnant woman throwing toddler in the air sitting by a tree

It’s surprising to admit, but I find myself missing the experience of being pregnant. After the arrival of my third child through a c-section, my doctor made sure that my husband and I were officially done expanding our family. We have no plans to welcome any more children, and honestly, I never want to go through pregnancy again. Our days of baby-making are behind us.

Initially, when my youngest was just a newborn, I felt a sense of relief knowing I wouldn’t have to endure pregnancy again. While my pregnancies were generally manageable, the last one took a toll on me, especially with the unpleasant experience of significant hemorrhoids during the final trimester. I was certain I’d never want to relive that.

Now that my youngest is almost two, my feelings have shifted a bit. While I definitely don’t want to deal with any more physical discomforts, I do find myself longing for the experience of pregnancy. I’ve been pregnant five times: two ended in early losses, but three resulted in beautiful children who are now part of my life. Each time, I sang to them from the moment I discovered I was expecting. Whether it was a short seven-week pregnancy or a full thirty-eight weeks, those quiet moments of connection while I hummed lullabies are some of my most treasured memories.

I remember the anticipation of taking a pregnancy test, hoping for those two pink lines to show up. The excitement of eight-week ultrasounds revealing tiny heartbeats is an experience I won’t have again. I’ll miss the thrill of contemplating baby names and imagining life with a new addition.

I sometimes wonder if I could have been a surrogate for someone else. My pregnancies were relatively easy, and I loved being pregnant. However, that journey wasn’t meant to be—my body had its own challenges, including PCOS and being plus-size, which made surrogacy an unrealistic option for me.

I am incredibly grateful for the three healthy pregnancies I did have, especially considering the hurdles we faced on our path to parenthood. The fact that I was able to create life with my husband—my greatest love—feels nothing short of miraculous.

For those who deeply long for the opportunity to be pregnant but face struggles, my feelings of nostalgia might seem trivial. I completely understand that longing for something you can’t have is a different kind of sorrow. Yet, I can’t help but cherish the memories of carrying my children, even if they come with a tinge of sadness.

Reflecting on my time being pregnant evokes similar emotions to recalling my wedding day or cherished moments with my late grandparents. I’m grateful for those experiences, yet there’s a bittersweet aspect to them. Letting go of the idea of experiencing pregnancy again is tough, but it’s a reality I’m coming to terms with. I miss the feelings of carrying life within me, even though my journey as a mother has brought immeasurable joy.

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In summary, while I don’t wish to have more children, I often find myself reminiscing about the unique and beautiful experience of being pregnant. It was a time filled with love, anticipation, and connection that I will always cherish.