To all the parents, friends, and loved ones of those navigating the complexities of autism, this message is for you. We understand that you may feel caught in an uncomfortable position. If you acknowledge that something might be off with our child’s development, it can lead to defensiveness on our part. Conversely, if you try to reassure us that everything is fine, it can feel dismissive, as if you’re not truly grasping the situation.
Please, give us a moment. We’re just as confused and anxious, and we’re often lost in a sea of worry. When the moment comes for us to confide in you about the diagnosis we’ve been grappling with, please choose your words wisely. Many people in my life struggled to accept this news, as if it hadn’t taken me an eternity to even voice the possibility of a diagnosis.
For instance, a relative of mine was caught in denial about my son’s autism spectrum disorder diagnosis and claimed they “needed some time” to adjust. But what about me? Is there anything I can do to ease their discomfort? Perhaps I should join them on a one-way trip to a world where everything is perfect and nothing is wrong. Unfortunately, I don’t have that option. My child relies on me to face the truth, to ensure he gets the support necessary to thrive in a world that can often feel unwelcoming.
If you think you’re struggling with accepting our child’s diagnosis, try to put yourself in our shoes. As a protective parent, it’s instinctive to want to shut our eyes and escape from a reality that promises unending challenges. But we can’t afford to hide; we didn’t choose this path, nor are we fabricating a story for sympathy. It is genuinely as tough as we depict—and often even tougher.
You may not have witnessed the behaviors that lead to a diagnosis, but that’s precisely the point. We see them every single day and tirelessly manage them. When the people around us find it difficult to accept our reality, it feels like an additional layer of hurt on top of what we’re already navigating. We must be present for our children, and we hope you can mirror our commitment by being present for us.
The journey of questioning, confronting, and ultimately accepting a diagnosis has been anything but easy. So, please don’t make it more challenging than it needs to be. The last thing we need is to spend our time convincing you of something we are also struggling to digest. We are fully committed to supporting our children through this, so we ask that you don’t add to our burden by requiring us to earn your support. When you question a diagnosis we believe to be true, it can feel as if you’re calling us irrational, overly dramatic, or simply lacking understanding of the challenges of parenthood. And that’s not fair. Please don’t deny our child’s reality to maintain your own comfort.
When our child experiences a good day, week, or moment, it doesn’t signify a cure, nor does it mean that we were mistaken about the diagnosis. Instead, it indicates that they’ve had a positive experience, which is exactly what we wish for during those sleepless nights filled with worry. However, it doesn’t imply that everything is suddenly okay.
When our children are thriving, they are often putting in tremendous effort through various therapies, including speech, behavioral, and occupational therapies. Don’t disregard the tears and frustrations they’ve faced to achieve each small victory just because it doesn’t align with your understanding. Embrace the messy yet beautiful reality we live in. Though it may not be as polished or comfortable as what you’re used to, it is our truth.
So, honestly, if you’re uncomfortable, you might want to reconsider visiting us. However, if you truly want to love, support, and understand us, you must accept our lives as they are. Simple gestures and platitudes won’t suffice anymore. Autism is genuine, the struggles are authentic, and we deserve real, unwavering support. Trust our judgment as parents and as individuals you care for, and cherish our children for the wonderfully imperfect beings they are.
For further insights into the challenges of parenting and additional resources on family life, I recommend visiting Modern Family Blog. Additionally, if you’re considering home insemination, explore our post about the artificial insemination kit. For comprehensive information on IVF, check out this excellent resource from the Mayo Clinic.
In summary, the journey of raising a child with autism is complex and requires understanding, compassion, and unwavering support from those around us.