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As a mother of three, I never anticipated feeling lonely. In those early days of motherhood, I was often so overwhelmed that I couldn’t handle one more thing; I would ignore my phone and avoid reaching out to others. I recall sometimes taking the kids upstairs when unexpected visitors arrived.
Yet, I often felt lonely—more than I cared to admit. I only confided in my then-husband, convincing myself that my loneliness was my own doing. I wasn’t maintaining my social life, and while I missed my husband’s companionship, he was focused on running his business. We had agreed that I would leave my job to care for the kids.
He would suggest I have a girls’ night out, but I’d be too exhausted. He’d encourage me to go to the store alone, but I felt guilty for not spending time with the family, which I often complained about lacking due to his work commitments. I didn’t believe I had the right to feel lonely because I was isolating myself from the world.
Looking back, I realize my fatigue played a significant role. Mothers frequently give so much of themselves to others that they become too drained to care for their own needs. This exhaustion can lead to feelings of loneliness and resentment, creating a challenging cycle to break.
After discussing my feelings with other moms, I discovered I wasn’t alone in my loneliness, and that there’s no reason to feel guilty about it. Now that my children are older and less often at home, I recognize that loneliness often arises when I feel unacknowledged or unappreciated, not necessarily from a lack of social interaction. It’s up to me to take steps to combat that loneliness, as no one can read my mind.
In the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, many of us are grappling with increased feelings of isolation. We’re not only dealing with the exhaustion of daily life and striving for normalcy for our children, but we’ve also spent considerable time distanced from the activities and connections that once brought us joy.
A survey by the American Osteopathic Association found that 72% of Americans experience loneliness at times—nearly three-quarters of the population, which is concerning.
So, how can we tackle this issue?
Dr. Emily Rivers, an assistant professor of family medicine at a New Jersey university, shared with CBS News that loneliness stems from various factors, with technology being a significant contributor. Rivers suggests we could all benefit from a “device cleanse” every now and then, as the connections we make online do not replace the value of in-person interactions.
While Rivers doesn’t advocate for completely abandoning our devices or online connections, it’s crucial to prioritize personal relationships. One way to foster this is by seeking out individuals with similar interests—consider joining a club or enrolling in a class that excites you.
Another suggestion from Rivers is to reconnect with nature. A simple hike or walk outdoors can rejuvenate you and provide a fresh perspective. Often, I find that immersing myself in nature brings me joy and clarity.
It’s vital to remember that you’re not alone in feeling this way. I found comfort when a fellow mom shared that despite being surrounded by family, she often felt isolated. Opening up about your emotions and experiences can help validate your feelings—it’s likely that others share your sentiments.
Dr. Leo Martin, a psychiatrist and author, emphasizes the importance of self-connection. He notes that a busy schedule can lead to disconnection from oneself and others. To counteract this, he recommends engaging in activities you love, even if they are solo pursuits, to unwind and relax.
The University of Chicago suggests jotting down cherished memories or reflecting on things you’re grateful for when loneliness strikes. Other effective strategies to combat loneliness include volunteering, performing acts of kindness, or even adopting a pet.
I understand that bouts of loneliness are a natural part of life. However, it’s essential to take proactive steps—like trying out one of these suggestions—rather than remaining stuck in loneliness for too long, as that’s when feelings of depression can creep in. If you are feeling depressed, reaching out to a mental health professional is crucial. But if a walk, a friendly chat, or volunteering at an event brightens your mood, why not pursue those activities more?
For further insights, check out our other blog post here or explore resources on intrauterine insemination.