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As a mother who has experienced loss, I often approach films about child loss with caution. So, when I heard about the Netflix film The Starling, I was naturally skeptical. The comedy-drama centers around Lily (portrayed by Melissa McCarthy) and her husband, Jack Maynard (Chris O’Dowd), navigating their grief a year after the tragic passing of their infant daughter, Katie.
Early on, we learn that Jack has been admitted to a psychiatric facility following a suicide attempt, leaving Lily to face their devastating loss alone at their countryside cottage. Encouraged by Jack’s counselor, she seeks help from Dr. Larry Fine, played by Kevin Kline, only to discover he has transitioned from a psychologist to a veterinarian. Despite the awkwardness, Lily shares that Katie died from SIDS, but she leaves the appointment feeling even more isolated.
Lily experiences a turning point as she gazes at her overgrown garden, realizing that life continues around her while she remains stuck in her grief. Enter a pesky starling that becomes a constant reminder of her pain, striking her on the head as she tries to revive her garden—a mix of comedic relief and poignant symbolism. Dr. Larry becomes an unexpected ally as he and Lily develop a friendship that blends “therapy-not-therapy.”
While the film features a star-studded cast, not all critics appreciated its portrayal of grief. Some reviews labeled it “for the birds,” suggesting it trivialized a serious subject. However, as a parent who has lost a child, I found the depiction of Jack and Lily’s grief to resonate deeply. The film captures the reality of living with the unanswered questions surrounding SIDS, and it doesn’t shy away from incorporating humor into the healing process.
Jack’s dark humor in the mental health facility mirrored my own coping mechanisms. I appreciated how The Starling opened a dialogue about fathers’ grief, an often overlooked perspective. The film highlights that both parents’ pain is valid and that healing doesn’t follow a linear path.
It’s crucial to recognize that the narrative unfolds more than a year after their loss, which perhaps led some to misinterpret the characters’ coping mechanisms. Grieving parents don’t cry endlessly; they eventually must pick up the pieces and learn to live with their loss.
Some may have hoped for a clear resolution regarding Katie’s death, but many bereaved parents, like myself, don’t find closure in a neat package. Instead, we navigate our grief day by day. To those who criticize The Starling for its portrayal of grief, I remind them that grief itself often feels awkward and unpredictable.
For more insights on navigating loss and starting a family, check out this related blog post and learn from expert sources like Make a Mom and Healthline on IVF.
Summary
The Starling offers a unique perspective on grief, blending humor with the complexities of loss. As a bereaved mother, I found it relatable and respectful of the emotional landscape parents traverse after losing a child. The film highlights the often-ignored pain fathers experience, proving that healing is a shared journey.
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