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“Jamie, I’m so let down by you.” Ugh. Even as an adult, I still feel a pang when I think about the time my mother expressed her disappointment in me. Was she truly let down? Probably not. It was more likely that she was upset by a specific action or comment I made, but that’s not how it came across. Those weren’t the words she chose, and as someone who received those words, I can assure you that language matters. This isn’t a new concept; we all understand it, yet it’s often easier said than done—especially when your little ones are testing your patience.
I jokingly call my kids “my little gremlins.” They find it amusing, sometimes even playing the part if they feel like it. They understand that when I use this term, it’s a playful way of signaling that they need to calm down without me completely losing my cool. However, truthfully, I often reach my breaking point. When we (as parents) are overwhelmed or exhausted, we might say things we don’t mean, or overlook how our words will be interpreted by their young ears.
Remember the saying “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?” Well, that was a load of nonsense then, and it still is now. It’s not just about the words we choose, but how they make people feel. There are certain phrases that should be phased out of our language, especially when communicating with our children.
Phrases to Avoid:
“It’s Not a Big Deal”
When a child is upset over something seemingly trivial (like being told no after asking for the hundredth time for a new toy), dismissing their feelings can send the harmful message that their emotions don’t matter. This could lead them to carry that belief into friendships, work, and future relationships.
Speaking in Absolutes (Always/Never)
This was my least favorite as a kid. My mom would say I always gave up or never tried hard enough (love you, Mom!). The truth is, I didn’t always give up, and there were many times I gave it my all. Speaking in absolutes doesn’t foster discussion or exploration. Avoid cornering your kids before they’ve had a chance to discover themselves.
“You Make Me Feel…”
While your children may indeed influence your feelings, mixing actions with emotions can be risky. It’s easy to cross the line from making children aware of their impact on others to using emotional language manipulatively.
“You Should Know Better”
Kids are still learning, so do they really know better? Sure, they might do some silly things, but even adults make poor decisions. Instead of shaming them, use these moments to teach and help them grow.
“Let Me Do It”
In moments when you’re in a rush, it might seem easier to do things for your child—like tying their shoes. However, stepping in takes away their chance to learn and develop independence.
Labeling Based on Outcomes
“You’re a fantastic artist!” or “You’re such a great student!” can backfire. If they don’t meet expectations next time, they might interpret it as losing that label. Instead, praise their efforts and progress.
Final Thoughts
While there are far more damaging phrases than those mentioned, it’s important to remain mindful of how we communicate with our children. Some comments may seem inconsequential now, but they could have lasting effects. Remember, none of us have perfected parenting. We all make mistakes, occasionally lose our tempers, and sometimes say the wrong thing. What matters is our commitment to improving our conversations. If you think this approach is overly sensitive, perhaps it’s simply how we should have always communicated.
For more insights, check out this related post on home insemination or explore Make a Mom for valuable resources. For additional information on pregnancy, visit Womens Health.
Summary:
The words we choose when speaking to our children can leave a lasting impact on their emotional well-being. Phrases that invalidate feelings, use absolutes, or manipulate emotions can hinder their growth and self-esteem. By being mindful of our language, we can foster a healthier relationship with our children and support their development.
Keyphrase: The impact of words on children
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