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Back in high school, I found myself surrounded by more male friends than female ones. I distinctly remember a quirky conversation with one of these friends, someone I had a crush on but never openly admitted it. We would flirt constantly, but the conversation took an unexpected turn one day.
He said, “What if we reach our 30s and neither of us has found a partner? Should we have a baby together?” To my surprise, I replied, “You know what? That sounds like a plan.” We sealed this odd pact with a kiss and never revisited it.
While we drifted apart after graduation, a recent chat with a close girlfriend made me reflect on that conversation. Now in her 30s, she’s contemplating starting a family and asked my thoughts on the idea of having a ‘friendship baby’. I understood her meaning but was unsure if this was a common practice or just a hypothetical idea. Naturally, I thought of that high school friend and turned to Google for answers.
It turns out, platonic parenting is indeed a real phenomenon. Some individuals pursue it after the end of a romantic relationship, while others consciously choose to co-parent without a romantic involvement. This challenges the notion that you need a romantic relationship to have children together. However, before diving into this, there are many factors to consider to determine if a friendship-baby arrangement suits you.
Transitioning from Friends to Co-Parents
An increasing number of people are opting for friendship babies to avoid the added stress and complications that often accompany romantic relationships. Anyone who has parented knows how children influence every aspect of life. Co-parenting, regardless of the nature of your relationship with the other parent, requires a delicate balance. I’ve been there, and it’s not easy.
Although I already have children, I’ve toyed with the idea of expanding my family. Having been married for over a decade and having kids I cherish, I find myself hesitant about repeating that experience. My conversation with my girlfriend made me ponder: What if I had a child with someone I deeply cared for, who was also a great friend? Wouldn’t that be the ultimate expression of friendship?
Of course, this isn’t a decision to take lightly. Is this friend a long-term companion, or just someone present in this chapter of your life? You don’t need me to remind you that this is a lifelong commitment, and you should ensure that whoever you choose is equally invested in this significant journey. Ultimately, it’s crucial to prioritize what feels right for you, regardless of outside opinions.
Considering a Friendship Baby Even If Others Don’t Understand
Perhaps you’re among those who married their best friend and lived happily ever after—kudos to you! My experience, however, was quite the opposite. My marriage was toxic and even abusive. My ex and I discovered we were expecting our first child before we tied the knot, and the pressure from those around us to rush into marriage was immense. The stigma attached to having a child with someone you aren’t married to was overwhelming.
Because of my past choices, I didn’t get to fully embrace the beautiful experience of pregnancy. More importantly, if I choose to embark on this journey again, I want it to be a positive experience for my kids as well. They desire a sibling, and I aim to set a good example of healthy co-parenting, even if it’s not with their father.
I can’t help but wonder how different things might have been if I had waited for that friend from high school. I adore my kids—they are my everything—but if I choose to pursue this path again, it will definitely be with someone who is a genuine friend. I’m not seeking a proposal or marriage; I just want to share this incredible experience with someone who respects and cares for me, even in a non-romantic way. While I’m still mulling over the idea of a friendship baby, it’s certainly worth considering.
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Summary
Platonic parenting and the concept of ‘friendship babies’ are emerging as viable options for those looking to navigate parenthood without the complications of a romantic relationship. This arrangement requires careful consideration of the bond between friends and the commitment it entails. Ultimately, the decision should prioritize what feels right for those involved, disregarding societal pressures or expectations.
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