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Before I became pregnant for the first time, I was the kind of wife who cherished a bit of mystery in my relationship. I kept every bodily function under wraps, ensuring that my husband never caught wind of any unsavory evidence of my humanity. I would even sneak out of bed to brush my teeth while he was still asleep, wanting to greet him with minty-fresh breath. Cute pajamas, shaved legs, and a polished appearance were my way of projecting an image of a Disney princess rather than a swamp creature.
But then came pregnancy. Oh, the transformation!
Pregnancy has a remarkable way of revealing a different side of your marriage. Let me elaborate.
The Gas Situation
First, there’s the gas. Oh my goodness, the gas! I can’t explain the biological reasons behind it, but many of us experience an overwhelming increase in flatulence during pregnancy. With a tiny human rearranging your insides and squirming around, farts become just part of the deal. Plus, with exhaustion setting in, running to the bathroom every time gas threatens to escape isn’t practical. You can either embrace passing gas in front of your spouse or suffer in silence—choose wisely!
Bowel Issues
Let’s not forget about the bowel issues. Pregnancy can lead to a range of gastrointestinal problems, from constipation that makes you plead with the universe for relief to diarrhea that has you wishing for it to stop. You may have kept your bathroom habits private before, but pregnancy has a way of stripping that privacy away swiftly. This is likely preparing you for the countless times your child will barge in on you while you’re trying to use the bathroom.
Hemorrhoids and Intimacy
And then there are the hemorrhoids. My husband had to assess my situation during my last pregnancy to determine if I needed immediate medical attention, so let’s just say our romance took on a new level of intimacy.
Embarrassing Moments
You might even find yourself dealing with some embarrassing moments, like accidentally wetting your pants. Whether it’s due to a sneeze or a cough, the reality is that a whole human being is sitting on your bladder. Just make peace with the fact that this could happen at the most inopportune times, like in the school car line.
Labor, Delivery, and Recovery
Now, let’s talk about labor, delivery, and recovery. If you’ve made it through pregnancy without exposing your partner to any bodily functions, congratulations! But don’t get too comfortable—the birth process comes with its own set of surprises. Whether your water breaks in a subtle trickle or floods the aisle at Best Buy, you’ll likely encounter some unexpected moments. And when it’s time to deliver, your body may not behave as politely as you’d hope; if you need to fart, you’ll fart.
Think you’re safe if you’re having a C-section? Not so fast. As someone who has experienced three of them, I assure you that gross bodily experiences are not exclusive to vaginal deliveries.
Pregnancy and delivery can bring you closer as a couple, even if it’s not the most glamorous experience. These moments might be challenging at the time, but they will certainly make for amusing stories in the future.
Resources for Expecting Parents
For more insights on navigating pregnancy and home insemination, check out this post on Home Insemination Kit. If you’re looking for equipment, Make a Mom has excellent options. And for more detailed information on pregnancy, Cleveland Clinic is an invaluable resource.
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In summary, pregnancy reveals a whole new side of your marriage, filled with unexpected challenges and humorous moments that will ultimately strengthen your bond.
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