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It’s a Saturday morning, and I’m enjoying a massive sandwich while listening in on a discussion from a nearby table. Egg and cheese are slipping down my hands as I ponder whether to grab a mountain of napkins or just use a fork. That’s when the bad news hits my ears.
A customer just had their high-end power washer stolen from an open garage. Her friends murmur sympathetically, promising prayers.
I can’t help but roll my eyes. Don’t these folks have real issues to deal with? Unfortunately, my tendency to judge doesn’t stop with strangers. There are moments when family or friends share their personal setbacks, and I find myself silently critiquing them. A missed tournament, a D+ on an exam, or a backyard mishap caused by a mischievous mole. Sure, some of these are frustrating, but I sometimes think they don’t hold a candle to real suffering.
My critical nature ramped up after my son was diagnosed with a chronic illness. One moment, I was stressed about work like everyone else. The next, I was hearing life-altering statistics that reshaped our family’s entire perspective.
Other parents might understand what I mean. “Your child has to wear a mask? Get over it. Mine has a serious illness.” It’s tempting to think that way, but my comparisons have shown me one thing: it could always be worse.
I dislike that the pandemic has lingered, affecting another school year, yet my kids have wonderful teachers who are doing their best. What about the girls in Afghanistan whose educational aspirations have been shattered?
My mother is battling cancer, but she has had 79 years filled with laughter and love. What about the local teens who tragically lost their lives to a drunk driver?
My daughter manages her chronic condition, yet she reads with enthusiasm and races joyfully. What about the friend who lost her child? Or the one who longs for motherhood but hasn’t had the chance?
This way of thinking can foster a sense of perspective. However, taken too far, it can prevent us from fully experiencing our own emotions—frustration, rage, grief—all of which are valid and deserve acknowledgment. If we ignore these feelings, how can we begin to process them?
This habit can also create emotional distance between us and others. When I mentally weigh a loved one’s struggles against my own, I’m dismissing the shared human experience of suffering, and I miss the chance to engage with compassion and empathy. I lose the opportunity for genuine connection.
There’s no universal gauge for sorrow. What may devastate me could be merely a bump in the road for you. My small troubles might feel monumental to someone else.
And honestly, who cares? This isn’t a competition. Sometimes, we all need to hear, “That sounds tough, and I’m here for you.”
I’m working on letting go of my scale. When someone opens up about their challenges, I’m trying to pause and recognize the thoughts that rush through my mind. Some are valid, others not so much. There’s usually a “It could be worse” thought somewhere in there.
But that’s perfectly fine. The more I notice my tendency to compare, the better I can detach from it. This allows me to focus on what truly matters: loving myself, loving those around me, and accepting love in return.
For more insights on navigating life’s challenges, check out one of our other blog posts here. If you’re curious about home insemination, a reliable source is Make A Mom, which offers valuable information on the topic. Additionally, for pregnancy-related resources, the CDC provides excellent guidance.
Summary:
This piece discusses the dangers of comparing our grief and suffering to others. It emphasizes the importance of acknowledging our emotions without judgment and highlights the need for compassion in our connections with others. The author reflects on personal experiences that have shaped her understanding of grief and perspective, encouraging readers to focus on empathy rather than competition in their struggles.
Keyphrase: Grief is not a competition
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