As I lay across our double bed, my 2.5-year-old is once again whining, and the only remedy is nursing. If I refuse, he’ll spiral into a fit that could wake his older brothers, ages 4 and 6, who are nestled against my husband like barnacles. Sometimes, they demand his outstretched arm for comfort, while he struggles to find sleep in a cruciform position. Other times, the baby insists on nursing, grabbing the opposite side and hitting me. I grapple with whether to endure this twilight half-sleep or to just let him wake up.
Had we opted for cribs when they were infants, I doubt I’d be in this predicament. We could’ve tucked them in at 8 p.m. and enjoyed a peaceful night’s rest in our own bed. That scenario sounds like pure bliss. While I still believe our choices were right for our family, I can’t help but sometimes wish for a different reality.
Additionally, I find myself questioning my approach to extended breastfeeding. My 4-year-old believes he hasn’t weaned yet, and when he’s upset, he throws himself at my chest, crying for “Mama milk!” I often have to refuse, leading to escalating wails. My 2.5-year-old follows suit, and I find myself holding a sobbing toddler while my oldest tries to focus on his reading. If I had weaned them around 18 months, perhaps these situations wouldn’t arise. Although I cherish breastfeeding for its soothing qualities, it can also be quite exhausting. I’ve long since stopped wearing nursing-friendly clothing, which leads to some awkward public moments.
I also regret my staunch stance against using strollers. My babies were lovingly carried in wraps, but as soon as they grew too big for that, they refused to ride in the cart. Instead, they insisted on walking through stores like Target. If I had introduced strollers, they might have become accustomed to sitting in them, granting me a much easier shopping experience.
Then there’s our decision to homeschool. Some days, we sail through reading, math, and science with joy. Other days, however, turn into chaos, with my oldest struggling to read basic words while the younger ones wreak havoc. On those mornings, I often fantasize about enrolling them in school. Sure, I’d face car lines, but I’d gain at least three glorious hours of freedom to clean, write, or even indulge in a little self-care, like getting my hair done or shopping for makeup. I realize this longing for freedom is perhaps unrealistic, but there are moments when it feels necessary.
Another unconventional thought I occasionally entertain is the idea of spanking. Despite our firm belief that corporal punishment teaches nothing constructive, I sometimes feel overwhelmed by my children’s antics. When one of them jumps off the kitchen table onto a stack of plastic bins, I can’t help but fantasize about a swift smack for sheer stupidity. I recognize that spanking wouldn’t solve their tantrums, but it’s a fleeting thought that crosses my mind.
All parents harbor regrets or alternative dreams. The grass often appears greener on the other side, but realistically, we all strive to make the best choices for our children, understanding what comforts and educates them. Yet, every so often, we wish things were different—and that’s perfectly normal.
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Summary:
In the journey of parenting, reflections on choices made—like breastfeeding, stroller use, homeschooling, and discipline—often bring a mixture of satisfaction and regret. Though we strive to make the best decisions for our children, it’s natural to occasionally yearn for different paths.
Keyphrase: Parenting Regrets
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