On a regular afternoon, my 7-year-old son excitedly brandished my phone, showcasing a candid shot he had captured of me without my knowledge. The image was blurry and poorly lit, but all I could focus on were my perceived flaws: the double chin, the wrinkles that have started to show, and the awkward angle of my profile. There was even a coffee stain on my shirt that I hadn’t noticed.
If I’m honest, my initial instinct was to delete the photo as soon as he turned away. In our era of digital photography and filters, it’s all too easy to erase anything that doesn’t fit our idea of perfection. We can endlessly tweak and refine an image until it meets our standards. While there’s nothing inherently wrong with this, it comes at a cost. We often lose sight of who we truly are in the process.
As I gazed at this candid shot, my feelings began to shift. This photo was one of the rare moments where I was simply me—no posing, no forced smiles. Usually, I’m the one behind the camera, capturing moments rather than being in them. The pictures I cherish most are often staged: family gatherings during holidays or nights out dressed to the nines.
Yet, this spontaneous image held a special place in my heart. It represents how my children perceive me. They see my “bad angles” as they watch me whip up dinner from the couch. They notice my double chin when we snuggle up for bedtime stories and spot wrinkles when I lean down for a kiss. They witness the coffee spills and the silly faces I make without even realizing it. Yet, they’ve never once pointed out these imperfections.
As a mother of boys, I mistakenly believed that I was shielded from the complexities of body image concerns that many mothers of girls face. We, as Gen X parents, often criticize the unrealistic standards of beauty depicted in media. We support campaigns aimed at improving girls’ self-esteem and share empowering messages about embracing our imperfect bodies. However, we unintentionally undermine this effort if we fail to also set a positive example in front of our sons.
No amount of advertising or celebrity selfies without makeup can dismantle the beauty myths boys encounter if we, their mothers, openly criticize our own appearances. We play a pivotal role in shaping their perceptions. If I grimace at my own flaws, they will likely adopt the same mindset. Those imperfections will become their primary focus, not just in me but in others as well.
If I dismiss the beauty they perceive in me through their innocent eyes, it may eventually diminish. The way we speak about ourselves becomes their internal dialogue, influencing how they view the world around them. I want them to understand that true beauty lies in love and connection, not in flawless skin or size 0 jeans.
So, I took a moment to really look at the photo my son was beaming about. With a deep breath, I tried to focus on the positives rather than the negatives. This is the version of me they know—the mom who helps with homework at the kitchen table, throws a football in the backyard, and tucks them in at night. This is the version of me they love.
I owe it to them, to myself, and to all the girls they will encounter throughout their lives to embrace the woman they see and love her just as they do. And I do. I appreciate the laughter lines that show I’ve enjoyed life, the extra pounds that come from spontaneous ice cream outings, and the stains that tell stories of messy playtime. These elements reflect who I am, and they are all part of the mother I strive to be.
This is the me they know. This is the me they love. This is the me I also love.
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Summarizing the reflections on body image, it’s vital for parents to foster a healthy perspective on self-image in front of their children. By embracing our authentic selves, we help shape their understanding of beauty in a positive way.