artificial insemination syringe
I’ve mentioned it before, and I’ll say it again: your 40s are a peculiar mix of liberation and dread, excitement and solitude, clarity and chaos. That’s just scratching the surface of the emotional whirlwind. Physically? Well, let’s just say things have taken a wild turn. (Thanks, perimenopause!)
I was aware that my body would undergo changes as I entered “middle age.” I had witnessed my mother, aunts, and their friends navigate this phase. I had read all about it and, believe me, I had heard countless stories. Yet, none of it truly prepared me for the reality that hit me like a ton of bricks.
Just the other day, I caught sight of my knees and was genuinely taken aback by their papery appearance. My skin looks like a crumpled piece of homework that’s been chewed on by the dog and stuffed into the bottom of my child’s backpack. Seriously, when did this transformation happen?
Perhaps I shouldn’t be shocked, but here I am, both fascinated and a bit horrified. Then I chat with others about the peculiarities of being in your 40s, and I realize, to my surprise: I’ve become a walking middle-age stereotype.
I’ve got wrinkles and acne coexisting on my face — just delightful. And to make matters worse, advertisers are constantly bombarding us with messages to erase those wrinkles and fix our flat hair, while pushing Botox as if it’s a necessity. Can’t we catch a break?
I often find myself wide awake at 2 a.m., drenched in sweat, mind racing: Did I turn off the oven? Why did I say that embarrassing thing years ago? Are my kids glued to their phones? And why can’t I shake “Driver’s License” by Olivia Rodrigo from my mind? My teen is about to start driving, and suddenly I’m worrying about needing a second car and more insurance, not to mention a stronger prescription for anxiety.
Some nights, the panic feels so overwhelming that it’s hard to breathe. Middle age comes with night sweats and anxiety attacks, leading to constant daytime fatigue. I look perpetually tired — because I am. Just like every middle-aged mom who’s ever existed.
And it’s not just tiredness; there’s an air of annoyance about me too. My RBF (resting b*tch face) has taken on a life of its own, and I’m too worn out to change it. People often ask, “Why do you look mad?” To which I think, “I wasn’t until you pointed it out.” During one of my endless Zoom meetings, I realized how much time I was wasting trying to mask my true feelings. Enough is enough; I’m done trying to fit into society’s mold.
Middle age brings a newfound clarity, a realization that much of what once mattered just doesn’t anymore. I find myself saying “who cares” often. Who cares if I have my dream job? Who cares if my body has changed? Who cares if I get another tattoo or dye my hair a wild color? Who cares about the wrinkles or what I post online? Who cares about the dishes or laundry? Maybe “who cares” is the new mantra for this phase of life?
But truthfully, I do care — about so many things. I care about fighting against sexism and racism, about allowing women to age gracefully, and about raising compassionate children. Life is filled with nonsense, and I’m less tolerant of it now, which often leads to disappointment — both in others and myself.
The anger is there, simmering just below the surface. Where is it coming from? I sometimes feel like I might just explode or dissolve into tears. Or both, sometimes within minutes.
Yet, alongside that anger, there’s also immense joy and gratitude. I recognize that life is fleeting and beautiful. And suddenly, I’m struck by the realization that it’s half over. Cue the panic about how I’m spending my time — am I making the most of every day? The nighttime worries resume.
Middle age is a confusing blend of contradictions. It’s liberating, fun, and empowering, yet also jarring and shocking. I feel like a middle-aged cliché, and at the same time, I’m in awe that this is my reality. This is me — and if the stereotypes hold true, it’s likely true for you too.
For more insights on navigating parenthood and home insemination, check out this blog post and learn about the different aspects of the journey. If you’re interested in at-home insemination, Make a Mom is a fantastic resource. Additionally, this guide provides excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
Navigating middle age is a unique experience filled with emotional highs and lows, physical changes, and societal pressures. It’s a time of self-discovery and reassessment, where one grapples with newfound feelings of anger and joy. While stereotypes abound, embracing authenticity and fighting for personal values become paramount.
Keyphrase: Middle Age Experience
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