artificial insemination syringe
We often hear the term “triggered,” but its meaning can be misunderstood. In psychological terms, it refers to a response elicited by a specific action, situation, or process. However, for those with a history of trauma, being triggered goes beyond a simple reaction; it represents a trauma response that can feel like reliving past experiences. This reality is exhausting and painful.
My Struggle with Complex PTSD
I live with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), often arising from traumatic childhood experiences. My challenges stem from growing up with narcissistic parents. My mother often scapegoated me, punishing me harshly while simultaneously living through my achievements. I was denied the opportunity to be my own person, leading me to adopt unhealthy coping mechanisms that reinforced feelings of worthlessness. Compliments felt like lies, and I constantly felt inadequate.
Despite my accomplishments—I am Phi Beta Kappa and hold advanced degrees—my mother always found a way to criticize me. I struggled with my self-image, leading to the development of an eating disorder that resurfaced in adulthood, especially when my mother returned to town. This was a clear trigger for me.
As a child, I faced relentless bullying and was made to feel responsible for my isolation. My mother’s dismissive comments about my friends and looks only added to my struggles. Mental health issues were ignored as she feared the stigma of having a depressed child.
In therapy, I am working to reclaim my identity and make choices that reflect my own desires, such as embracing my short dark hair instead of adhering to my mother’s ideals. The process is incredibly challenging. I expected to discuss significant events from my past, but therapy involves unraveling the deeply ingrained narratives of my life, revealing the extent of the dysfunction.
The Ongoing Experience of Being Triggered
Recently, I found myself empathizing with my mother, mistakenly believing she might not fully grasp the harm she caused. My husband reminded me of the countless attempts we’ve made to reconcile, and as he expressed his anger and frustration regarding my feelings, I felt overwhelmed. I had a breakdown and ended up in tears, illustrating how quickly I can be triggered.
The day after, I stumbled upon an insightful essay that described narcissistic family dynamics perfectly. As I read, I felt the weight of my past crashing down on me. I screamed in my car, then had an emergency therapy session filled with tears. This experience was a significant trigger.
Subsequently, my husband expressed his anger about an unrelated issue, which sent me spiraling back into my trauma. I froze, unable to communicate, overwhelmed by memories of my father’s rage. It took hours for me to regain my composure.
Days later, I attempted to enjoy a book I had longed to read, only to be reminded of painful themes that mirrored my experiences. Ultimately, I had to discard the book, recognizing the emotional toll it took on me. Despite this, I didn’t cry; instead, I spent time reflecting on the parallels between the story and my life, illustrating the subtle yet persistent nature of triggers.
Currently, I am on a path to healing, and while I experience moments of relief, the journey is arduous and draining. My body still carries the tension of my trauma, but I remain committed to making choices that reflect my true self.
For those interested in parenting topics, such as children’s sleep, check out this related blog post. If you’re looking for a reliable source on home insemination, visit Make a Mom, they offer valuable insights. Additionally, this article on the IVF process is a great resource for understanding pregnancy and home insemination.
Search Queries:
- What triggers complex PTSD?
- How to manage trauma responses?
- Signs of narcissistic parenting?
- Coping strategies for trauma survivors?
- Benefits of trauma therapy?
In summary, navigating through trauma and its triggers is a complex and exhausting journey. While I strive to understand my past, I am also learning to embrace my identity and make choices that reflect my true self. The path may be difficult, but it is essential for my healing.
Keyphrase: Understanding Trauma Responses
Tags: [“home insemination kit” “home insemination syringe” “self insemination”]