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The phrase “hurt people hurt people” struck a chord with me the first time I heard it. Suddenly, so much of my past clicked into place—the tears, the heartache, the confusion—it all began to make sense.
I see myself as a compassionate individual, always striving to help others and create a welcoming environment. Most people who know me today would likely share positive thoughts about my character. At this stage in my life, I feel I have a solid understanding of who I am. However, a few individuals from my past might not be as forgiving; my teenage and early adult self likely left a few negative impressions.
I never intended to harm anyone; I was simply young and struggling with insecurities. I was still fundamentally a good person, but my emotional turmoil often overshadowed my better qualities. Adolescence is a confusing time filled with the challenges of self-discovery, compounded by hormones and the pressures of fitting in. It’s no wonder that young people sometimes lash out at those they cherish the most—sorry, Mom!
Transitioning into adulthood can feel like a chaotic journey filled with missteps. I’ve made my share of mistakes, but I’ve also witnessed countless others stumble along the way. It’s a painful cycle that often moves from one person to another.
While I don’t excuse genuinely harmful behavior—after all, I have encountered individuals devoid of redeeming qualities—I believe there are frequently underlying reasons for people’s poor choices. Hurting someone doesn’t make you a bad person.
Consider a scenario where a close friend suddenly becomes distant and unkind. You reach out, but she insists everything is fine, even as her behavior suggests otherwise. Over time, she stops communicating altogether, leaving you feeling hurt and confused. But what if you later learned she was grappling with depression? Understanding her struggles may shift your anger to empathy.
We rarely grasp the full narratives of those around us. The people we encounter at social gatherings often hide their true experiences behind closed doors. Their pain can significantly impact their present actions.
Many of my regrettable moments stem from choices made during periods of emotional distress. I am grateful for those who stood by me during my toughest times, providing the love and support I needed to heal.
As a parent to two young children, I strive to guide them with love. Yet, I recognize that hardship is an inevitable part of life. I cannot shield them from all pain, nor should I try. Life isn’t about evading pain but about learning to navigate through it. Many of my most profound joys arose from overcoming heartbreak.
I aim to teach my children to respond to pain with understanding. If they can grasp the simple yet complex idea that hurt people often hurt others, they may develop the capacity for compassion and forgiveness.
Ultimately, that is often what those who hurt us need the most—and it’s something we all seek at various points in our lives.
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