Last weekend, I caught my reflection in a full-length mirror, and it was a moment of mixed feelings. As I approach the final weeks of my third pregnancy, I’m reminded of how my body has grown and changed. I started this journey in a larger body, and while I’ve experienced being pregnant before, each time brings its own unique challenges. This time, however, I felt particularly enormous.
Typically, seeing myself in the mirror isn’t an issue. I’ve come a long way in accepting my body. I flaunt crop tops with pride and embrace every curve and contour. After all, this is the only body I have, and I refuse to let anyone dictate how I should feel about it. I set the rules here.
But that day was different. My inner confidence seemed to be on a break, and all I could feel was the weight of my belly and the sheer size of my figure. Instead of celebrating the miracle of growing a healthy baby, I found myself thinking, “Wow, Jenna, you’re massive. What will you look like in six weeks?” I twisted and turned, harshly critiquing the expanse of my midsection until I caught a glimpse of my face. The unhappy expression staring back at me was unsettling.
I was taken aback. How could I be so critical of myself when I would never direct such judgment towards another person? It was a moment of realization. I quickly composed my expression and forced a smile, reminding myself that while this inner monologue was tough, it didn’t have to ruin my day.
Yet, I was still upset with myself. Wishing away my current size felt like a betrayal, both to my growing child and to the wonderful fat individuals I strive to uplift. It’s frustrating that despite my efforts, moments of self-doubt still creep in, making me feel like I’m not at home in my own skin.
It feels strange to admit this, considering I often champion body diversity. I worry that acknowledging these struggles undermines my message of self-acceptance. I strive to be authentic, and it feels disheartening when the voices of self-doubt resurface. I can celebrate the beauty in others, yet I can be my own worst critic—something I absolutely detest.
I’m tired of these negative thoughts. I’m determined to overcome them. I’ve worked hard to shift my perspective, but it’s an ongoing battle. Living in a larger body comes with an awareness that society often deems it less than ideal. The pressure to conform to a different standard can be exhausting. The idea that I shouldn’t rest or find peace with my body unless I’m actively working to change it is disheartening.
While I’ve progressed from hating my fat body to loving it more often, both feelings still coexist within me. I know it’s unrealistic to expect a complete transformation. My past struggles with body image run deep, and tough days still come. Sometimes, a negative thought can hit me out of nowhere, and I can’t simply erase those feelings.
I do my best to combat this negativity. I lean on my support system—my husband, friends, and family—who help me find strength. Engaging with body-positive online communities can also shift my mindset. A few moments on social media can brighten my perspective.
At times, I just need to sit with my feelings and grant myself permission to have a bad day, week, or even season. Recently, I’ve experienced all of that. Life can become overwhelming, and self-love can take a back seat to survival.
However, it’s vital for me to reclaim that self-love. I refuse to return to a place of self-loathing. The thought of going back to wishing I had a different body terrifies me. It felt like a prison, and I was never truly free.
So, I’ll continue to celebrate my body as a miraculous vessel, even when it feels challenging. I know that my body is worthy, even on days when I struggle to believe it. I won’t let my journey towards body positivity be mistaken for a complete triumph. The fight against the self-critic will always be ongoing, but I promise to keep battling.
If you’re interested in more about the journey of pregnancy and self-acceptance, check out this post on our blog about embracing your body during pregnancy. Also, for those looking to enhance fertility, Make a Mom offers valuable insights. For further information on pregnancy, Healthline provides excellent resources.
In summary, navigating the complexities of body image during pregnancy is a challenging yet important journey. Acknowledging the struggles while celebrating the beauty within each body can help foster a healthier relationship with oneself. Embracing self-love, even on tough days, is essential for mental well-being.
Keyphrase: body positivity during pregnancy
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