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I ended a long-standing friendship about a decade ago. My best friend’s increasingly challenging personality, which had once seemed quirky and manageable during our 25 years together, became more difficult as our paths diverged. I was married with two kids, a full-time journalism job, and a demanding side business. In contrast, she was single, moody, and somewhat self-centered, typical of someone without children. Our breakup was emotionally tough, but ultimately necessary for my own well-being.
Since then, I’ve prioritized my family and career, and while I managed without a best friend for a while, I eventually felt the absence. I had plenty of “situational friends”—mostly other parents or fellow business owners—but as my daughter moved on from sports and I closed my small business, I found myself wanting deeper friendships.
The emptiness is palpable. When I do connect with other women, I often find myself overly enthusiastic, sharing too much and dominating the conversation. I recognize this tendency, and my inner dialogue swings from “This is just who I am; my friends get it” to “Why do you always act like this around other women?”
What I genuinely seek is someone equally expressive and humorous—someone who shares my quirks. So, I’ve mentally crafted a “friend wanted” ad over the years, which might read something like this:
Almost-50 woman seeks similar for lifelong companionship. Must be irreverent, lively, and smart enough to grasp the meaning of irreverent. Political views: fairly liberal. Religion: not interested. Ability to respond with appropriate outrage and witty remarks during rants is essential (will reciprocate). Must know when to lend an ear versus offer advice (also reciprocated).
A passion for coffee, documentaries, National Geographic (both the magazine and the network), and educational podcasts is a plus, as is some knowledge of French or Spanish. Willingness to discuss perimenopause symptoms at length is required. Must enjoy adventure but avoid anything too crazy or embarrassing. Proximity matters; I’d love someone who is available for spontaneous visits. Feminism is crucial, and a keen eye for grammar is a must. Emotional conservatism is fine. Please don’t take offense if I’m not in touch regularly.
An application essay will be required on the topic: “Below Deck: Mediterranean is both trashy and a salient microcosm of capitalist society. Discuss,” along with a small application fee.
It’s still a work in progress. Some days I ponder whether the essay topic should be “The Princess Bride” instead, but I worry it might not reflect well on me. Should I include what I offer in return, or would that seem too transactional? I don’t usually second-guess myself, but looking at this ad also raises a question: Am I only looking for someone like me? Wouldn’t my life be richer with a friend who offers fresh perspectives? Yes, but my nearly 50 years have shaped my preferences.
You may wonder about my spouse and why he isn’t my best friend, as many women describe their partners. That’s a firm no. He’s fantastic but doesn’t meet the specific criteria laid out in the ad. He doesn’t enjoy coffee or read for pleasure; his idea of fun is hunting—not quite the wine tasting crowd.
I’m okay with having precise and self-indulgent friendship requirements. Over the years, I’ve distanced myself from friends who were overly religious or quick to judge my choices. I’m ready to reciprocate and keen to support someone else’s desires.
The challenge, however, is that making new friends as we approach 50 can be quite difficult. Are we too set in our ways to welcome new personalities or experiences? Perhaps. That’s why I noted that contact might be sporadic.
Honestly, I don’t have all the answers. But I’m eager to explore new friendships, ideally with my future best friend by my side. Now accepting applications (small fee required). For more insights on this topic, check out this related post.
Summary
In this reflective piece, Jamie Collins discusses her journey of seeking new friendships after a significant breakup with her long-term best friend. She shares her desire for a companion who shares her humor and interests while also contemplating the challenges of making new connections as she approaches 50. Jamie humorously outlines her ideal friendship criteria, recognizing her own quirks and the complexities of adult friendships.
Keyphrase: Seeking New Friendships
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