When I was expecting my second child, I became fixated on the hunt for the ultimate double stroller. Instead of applying the insights I had gained from my first two years as a mother, I found myself obsessively consumed by this search.
My definition of “ideal” was specific. I wanted a stroller that could handle long walks with ease, yet was lightweight enough to lift in and out of the car without needing superhuman strength. It had to feature a reliable cup holder, adjustable handles, a user-friendly basket, quality wheels, and ideally cost less than a week’s getaway to Fiji. I had resisted the temptation of splurging on a high-end Bugaboo for my first child, and I was determined not to succumb to the allure of the “luxury” stroller as a second-time mom. At least I could hold on to that perspective.
Of course, the perfect double stroller was nothing more than a myth. I was aware of that when it came to single strollers, but for some reason, I chose to ignore it. Many of my friends expressed regrets about their stroller choices—some lamented flimsy baskets, others found the wheels too cumbersome for their trunks, and many struggled with complicated folding mechanisms. Yet, most parents adjusted and moved past their decisions.
Despite my understanding, I devoted countless hours to poring over online reviews of double strollers. It became a time-consuming, almost ridiculous pastime. In the end, we acquired two strollers: a heavy, bulky one for neighborhood strolls purchased secondhand from friends, and a lightweight, economical option for the car. Neither was perfect, much like the single strollers we owned for different occasions. Yes, we ended up with four strollers, a fact that would usually embarrass me, except that we eventually had two more kids who put all four models to the test.
Rest assured, I have no more insights to share about strollers. Over time, I realized that my fixation on finding the “right” stroller was really just a manifestation of my desire to control the impending changes in our lives. Transitioning from one child to two filled me with anxiety. I barely felt competent as a parent to one, so how could I possibly manage two?
But if I’m completely honest, there was more to it than just self-doubt. I think I lost perspective because I was feeling isolated and bored. I had stopped teaching after my first child was born, and I hadn’t yet found my writing voice. My social life was lacking, and I didn’t yet understand that my children needed an engaged mother, not a perfect one obsessed with acquiring the ideal stroller, winter jacket, or other seemingly crucial items. I was stressing over insignificant details, as if finding the right stroller would have a profound impact on our lives. I had lost my grip on reality over trivial matters and was determined never to feel that way again.
Now, I have fewer of what I call “stroller moments,” a term my husband, Mike, and I use to describe when I veer from reasonable decision-making to unnecessary anxiety. We’ve developed a few shorthand phrases to prompt each other back to reality. I recommend this technique for anyone looking to gain some self-awareness on the fly. It provides a useful escape route from the mental traps we can fall into.
These days, my stroller moments often revolve around issues with friendships or developments in my writing career, but the underlying feeling remains: a misplaced sense of control. Why is my cousin still upset with me? Why hasn’t that editor replied to my email?
“Is this just a repeat of the double stroller saga?” I might ask Mike, and from the look on his face, I can tell it is before I finish the question.
One day, I’ll likely help my kids develop their own code words. Given their youth and, thankfully, good health, they can afford to enjoy their innocent perspective a while longer.
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In summary, the quest for the perfect stroller is often less about the stroller itself and more about the desire to manage the many uncertainties that come with parenting. As I navigated my own insecurities, I learned that what truly matters is being present for my children and myself.
Keyphrase: quest for the perfect stroller
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