I’m a Moody Individual, and I’m Embracing It

pregnant woman in pink dress sitting on bed

My partner has a habit of waking up when I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. Sometimes, I even try to keep my eyes shut during these late-night trips because after 10 PM, it’s like I’ve transformed into a bear ready to hibernate. My mood turns sour, and I just want to be left alone.

He always greets me with the same cheerful questions: “Hey there! How are you? Did you sleep well?” In the beginning of our relationship, I made an effort to respond, but all I could manage was a mumble. I simply can’t maintain his level of enthusiasm, no matter how hard I try.

There are days when I believe I’m in a decent mood, but the moment someone engages me in conversation, I quickly realize I’m not in the right headspace for social interaction. Even when I plan to be around others, I struggle to smile or engage in small talk. It feels like all my social energy has been drained, leaving me unable to do anything but sit quietly and respond minimally to those who approach me. I’m not trying to be rude; I’m just not in the mood to chat. Unfortunately, my resting expression has led many to believe I’m unfriendly until they get to know me better and understand that I’m just moody.

This has been my reality since my teenage years. Friends would often ask if I was upset with them, bombarding me with questions about what was bothering me. My partners and family have noted that when I enter one of my moody phases, the atmosphere becomes tense, and they’re unsure how to react. This has bothered me endlessly; I’ve been grappling with this side of myself for over three decades. I detest those moments when I don’t want to engage with anyone, when I lack the energy to maintain a conversation or project happiness.

I’ve learned it’s best to let my loved ones know when I’m feeling low and ask them to overlook it. I’m not necessarily unhappy; I’m just moody. To those who don’t experience fluctuations in mood, I may come across as selfish or unfriendly. However, many of my friends and sisters understand; they relate to my feelings. They know that when I say I’m off, it simply means I’m not myself at the moment and that it’s not a reflection on them.

As I approach 46, I’ve noticed that my moods can change quite a bit, often triggered by lack of sleep or sugar overload. This is just who I am—I require more downtime than most. I enjoy solitude and quietness. When there’s too much noise or stimulation, I become anxious and irritable. Sounds seem amplified, my focus fades, and my energy dwindles even further.

I’ve tried pushing through these moods by attending gatherings or stepping out, hoping it would lift my spirits, but it usually has the opposite effect, intensifying my feelings instead. I recently spoke with my sister, who also experiences mood swings. We both yearn to be those individuals who remain cheerful and pleasant, no matter the circumstances, but that’s just not us.

It’s important to distinguish between being moody and being unkind, and this distinction should be normalized—especially for women. I can’t count the times I’ve forced myself to appear happy simply to make others comfortable. Hearing people praise someone for always being cheerful used to trigger me. I tried to embody that persona, but it often backfired. Many people feel pressured to smile and socialize even when they don’t want to.

When I honor my feelings and choose to stay in and be quiet, my gloomy mood tends to lift much faster than if I try to shake it off. Even when everything appears to be going well, I might still feel down. And that’s perfectly okay.

Life isn’t about maintaining constant happiness; it’s about experiencing the full range of emotions. Many individuals don’t feel one way all the time. Our moods can fluctuate daily, and while you might not always know what you’re going to get, at least you’ll receive the authentic version of me.

Accepting this part of myself hasn’t been simple, but it has been essential. It’s alright not to be in a good mood constantly, and if you don’t feel like smiling, you shouldn’t have to—regardless of how many people (especially men) suggest otherwise. There’s nothing wrong with wanting solitude. If you’d like, we can sit together, enjoy a pan of brownies, and not talk or smile. I promise I won’t take offense.

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In summary, I’ve come to terms with my moody nature and learned that it’s okay to feel this way. Accepting my need for solitude and quiet has been liberating. Life is about experiencing a spectrum of emotions, and we shouldn’t feel pressured to be happy all the time.

Keyphrase: accepting my moody nature

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