As my children have transitioned into their teenage years, I’ve adapted our approach to discipline. Let’s be honest, a 12-year-old looks quite out of place in a time-out chair. Instead, we’ve customized our disciplinary methods to suit their individual personalities, placing a strong emphasis on turning misbehavior into teachable moments. There’s a saying that every child has their own form of currency, and for my kids, the loss of privileges or the addition of extra chores serves as an effective consequence for their actions. We engage in open discussions about their mistakes and implement fair yet firm repercussions that correspond to their teenage “offenses.” We don’t believe in holding past mistakes over their heads, nor do we think extending a punishment helps them grasp long-term consequences.
This is why grounding or restricting social interactions is not our method of punishment. Reflecting on my own childhood, I recall biking on hot summer days to a friend’s house, hoping to find someone to join me for a ride. One day, my friend answered the door looking glum, explaining, “I can’t ride today. I lied to my mom, and I’m grounded for a week.” Standing there in my summer attire, I empathized with her situation. Grounding didn’t just affect her; it impacted our friendship too.
Today’s kids, however, live in a drastically different world. The freedom to roam the neighborhood and gather friends for games has largely vanished. Instead, children are often glued to their screens, with limited face-to-face interactions beyond school. Consequently, my kids won’t be standing at the door declaring they’ve lost all human contact for a week.
Regardless of their missteps, they still attend their friends’ birthday parties and school events. These opportunities to connect with peers are as crucial to their development as academic learning. Unlike our generation, which honed social skills through real-life interactions, today’s teens need those moments to build relationships. I want my children to experience the thrill of social gatherings, from the excitement of a winning football game to the nervous anticipation of a crush entering the room. Given that quality time with friends is already sparse, it wouldn’t make sense to deprive them of these experiences as a form of punishment.
Moreover, grounding can lead to neglecting responsibilities towards teams or clubs. For example, excluding a daughter from her basketball team for misbehavior or keeping a son from participating in a school play places them in a position of disappointing others. I prefer addressing their actions through conversation and implementing consequences that reinforce our family values instead of publicly embarrassing them for typical teenage mistakes.
My husband and I generally opt for removing privileges related to social media or favorite shows rather than resorting to grounding. We recognize the importance of social interactions and aim to instill in our children the lessons of being good individuals without using their friendships as leverage. Adolescence is challenging enough, and now more than ever, kids need their friends, and I refuse to obstruct their social growth.
While I may not adhere to a strict grounding policy, my kids understand where my boundaries lie. I manage their screen time and transportation to activities, ensuring that they know that while they might escape grounding, I can easily limit their access to devices without hesitation.
In conclusion, our approach to discipline is rooted in understanding the unique pressures of today’s youth. By fostering open dialogue and focusing on appropriate consequences, we aim to cultivate social skills that will serve them well in life.
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Keyphrase: Why I Don’t Ground My Teens
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