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Dear Little Queer,
First off, I want you to know how proud I am of you. You faced so much before finally stepping into your first Pride parade at 22. From the time you were in kindergarten, you sensed that you were “different,” but that uniqueness was exactly the essence of who you needed to become—and would ultimately embrace. It took nearly 20 years from that first moment of watching others celebrate their identities, draped in rainbow flags, for you to find your own sense of belonging. At that time, the word “queer” was still foreign to you, and the concept of being nonbinary was nonexistent in your world. You had to navigate through a society that felt largely unwelcoming; the term “lesbian” felt tainted, yet it resonated with you, driven by a sense of shame that made you cling to it as you tried to find your footing.
When you finally came out and surrounded yourself with people who accepted you without question, it was liberating, yet you still felt like an outsider. The freedom to wear the clothes and hairstyle you truly desired seemed almost undeserved. Your understanding of your sexuality and gender was not yet clear; you adopted labels like butch and dyke to express your love while distancing yourself from the term “femme.” How could you articulate your gender expression when you hadn’t yet unraveled the complexities of gender itself? A few years later, attending an LGBT conference focused on identity and sexuality left you frustrated with young transgender men, as you longed for what they had without fully comprehending your own desires.
Forgive yourself for those moments of ignorance; one day, you will face the same questions from others, as you come to terms with your own identity. You had so much to learn, both about yourself and about the community that would eventually feel like home.
Your journey of self-discovery will be fueled by books, movies, and internet searches, but the most profound insights will come from those who paved the way before you. Those brave souls who lived openly during times of great peril inspired you, even as you recognized the fears that accompanied their visibility. You didn’t fully grasp the burdens they carried, but you will in time. There will be days when the anticipation of Pride feels heavy with despair and disappointment in humanity, yet that excitement will always linger, fluttering around the edges of the rainbow flags.
As time unfolds, being out and queer will expose you to more discrimination, as the battle for equality rages on. You’ll witness both progress and resistance, and this will take a toll on you. Parenthood will ignite a fierce protectiveness within you, as you fight for your children, even when it means confronting prejudice within your own community. The weariness will also stem from grappling with your own sobriety, as you face truths you once numbed with alcohol.
When you finally embrace your nonbinary identity at 38, it may feel like time slipped away. You’ll feel that familiar pang of adolescent embarrassment as you ask others to accept your true self once more. You’ll grasp the meaning of gender dysphoria and euphoria, realizing that how others perceive your pronouns often reflects their willingness to learn rather than your own worth. This insight may make you jaded, but it’s crucial to safeguard your joy.
You’ll recognize that while your pride evolves, it never disappears. You’ll transition from naïveté to a more radical understanding of your queerness. This evolution is valid and necessary, even when you disagree with others’ journeys. Remember, no one’s path is linear, and everyone must find their way at their own pace.
As a leader and activist, you may feel misunderstood by your own community at times, but you will be unyielding in your pursuit of accountability. You’ll stop apologizing for demanding what you need and deserve, motivated by the desire to create a smoother path for the younger generation and your own children.
At Pride, you’ll always experience a profound sense of relief, finding comfort in being part of the majority. Ultimately, you will feel whole, a journey marked by shedding past labels and embracing new truths. Witnessing someone else experience their first Pride will remind you of the joy in walking into your own queerness. You are incredibly resilient, and it’s essential to continue loving your queer life.
Pride represents the convergence of diverse experiences, and never forget that your fight is not just for the struggle itself; it’s because you are worthy of every bit of glitter, scar, and queer magic.
With love,
Your Future Self
For more insights on queer experiences, check out this post on home insemination. For those considering parenthood, Make a Mom offers valuable resources on fertility. Additionally, for more information on pregnancy, Healthline is an excellent resource.