My gynecologist recently prescribed me Xanax for my anxiety. Apparently, my vagina is more high-strung than I thought and needs to chill out. In addition to medication, I’m also looking into massage therapy to relieve some of this tension—talk about a pampered lady part!
You might be thinking, “How does a vagina get anxious?” Well, it turns out that generalized anxiety can manifest in unexpected ways. While some people grind their teeth, I find myself clenching my pelvic muscles. Don’t judge; it’s a real struggle!
Whether it’s perimenopause, hormonal shifts, or just my own quirks, I need to tackle this issue head-on because who wants to deal with an anxious vagina? There are enough things to worry about! For instance, what if my car somehow rolled off a cliff and plunged into the ocean? Would I have one of those emergency tools handy to break the window? How would I escape? Or what if my furnace exploded in the middle of the night? Survival odds aren’t looking great, and I should probably formulate an escape plan—maybe jumping off the balcony? That could end with broken ankles, and how would I flee the flames while managing a kid and a dog with injuries?
When I’m not engaged in these wild scenarios, I fret about typical concerns, like the risk of contracting some rare illness from a Neti Pot or obsessively searching WebMD for answers to my dry eyes and itchy skin. But back to my vagina—while Xanax and massage are supposed to help, I prefer to dig deeper and find a more holistic solution rather than just masking the problem. I want my vagina to adopt a relaxed, laid-back mentality.
Unfortunately, finding that peace is easier said than done. I’ve tried yoga and meditation, but guess what? I’m part of the minority that experiences anxiety when trying to relax! I even adopted a dog for companionship, but the incessant licking and clicking of her nails as she trails me around the house just adds to my stress.
The only alternative left for me is to explore natural remedies. Fortunately, I live in a progressive state with a recreational cannabis dispensary nearby. It’s totally normal for a midlife woman to buy pot-infused gummy candies, right?
Navigating to an unfamiliar place gives me anxiety, so I did what any sensible person would do: I mapped it out on Google and scoped out the parking situation from above. After circling the dispensary multiple times, I finally parked—waiting until the coast was clear before heading inside. The staff were relaxed and didn’t bat an eye when I sheepishly asked for something light to help ease my pelvic tension.
I walked away with two bags of salted caramel gummies, hopeful they would help me kick my anxiety to the curb. However, after indulging in them before bed, I became even more anxious. My lips tingled; my throat felt constricted; one eye appeared larger than the other in the mirror. Am I allergic to cannabis?
I spent the night binge-watching Bob Ross on Netflix, hoping to ride out the effects. His happy little trees were surprisingly anxiety-inducing, so I switched to YouTube and indulged in ASMR videos featuring miniature cooking. Those tiny burgers made in a mini-skillet with sizzling sounds were oddly soothing—serenity at its best.
But then I realized I was starving and fixated on the thought of tiny cheeseburgers. Where could I possibly find them in the dead of night? The anxiety resurfaced, and suddenly, I was left feeling helpless—lost in a sea of worry with my anxious vagina.
If you’re dealing with similar issues, you might find helpful information on pregnancy and home insemination at Healthline. For those considering starting a family, check out this post on artificial insemination kits. And if you’re looking for more insights, Modern Family Blog has you covered.
In summary, while my journey with anxiety might seem unusual, it’s a reflection of the complexities of womanhood. Finding balance is an ongoing process, and I’m still navigating the waves of uncertainty.