Moms Are Constantly Chasing Perfection, and It's Time to Change That

It’s been a long year filled with upheaval and uncertainty. The impact of the pandemic on our mental health has been profound, but my biggest concern lies with mothers who have struggled with perfectionism and feel utterly out of control during these trying times.

Perfectionism stems from societal expectations and the instinct to survive. Historically, humans have evolved to prioritize safety and acceptance, leading to an acute awareness of our surroundings. This evolutionary trait has made many of us prone to catastrophizing, where we focus on potential failures and shortcomings. Perfectionists often have an amplified sense of awareness regarding their inadequacies, which leads to immense self-imposed pressure to excel, regardless of circumstances. For many mothers, this has translated into the belief that by adhering to societal rules and prioritizing others’ needs over their own, they can ensure their safety and acceptance.

However, the rules have shifted dramatically. Our routines and sense of normalcy have been completely disrupted, making it impossible to navigate our new reality perfectly—especially without adequate support. Mothers, burdened by COVID-related challenges, often find themselves trapped in a cycle of unfulfilled desires, leading to feelings of failure across various aspects of their lives.

How can we balance work-from-home responsibilities with kids needing our attention? How do we maintain our mental health when traditional outlets for stress relief have vanished, and our focus is solely on ensuring our children’s needs are met? When we feel a loss of control, we may revert to unhealthy coping mechanisms, which is evident in the rising instances of anxiety, depression, and increased alcohol consumption among women.

I understand this struggle personally. I, too, have found myself drinking more, worrying excessively, and experiencing physical symptoms of stress. Here are some strategies that have helped both me and the incredible women I connect with daily:

Acknowledge the Reality: Let’s face it: THIS IS HARD. Embrace the fact that any emotions you’re feeling are entirely valid and part of the human experience.
Practice Deep Breathing: Take ten deep belly breaths—inhale for five seconds, hold, then exhale slowly through your nose. This simple act can calm your nervous system and help you feel more centered.
Embrace Self-Compassion: Recognize your drive for perfection as a survival mechanism. It’s okay to not have everything figured out.
Be Intentional With Your Energy: We don’t have endless reserves of energy, so focus on what truly matters. Identify 1-2 key areas and give them your all, allowing yourself to be less than perfect in others.
Focus on Abundance: Allow yourself to feel your feelings, then choose to see the positives. Redirecting your focus can create a more balanced emotional response and help rewire your brain for positivity.

As a mother and someone navigating the challenges of perfectionism, I see this moment as an opportunity to let go of impossible standards. It’s a chance to reassess what truly matters and prioritize self-care. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup—putting yourself first isn’t selfish; it’s essential.

For more insights on this topic, check out this article or learn about effective methods for starting a family at Make a Mom. If you’re exploring options for assisted reproduction, Hopkins Medicine offers excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.

Moms Are Constantly Chasing Perfection, and It’s Time to Change That

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