Your Asian Friends Are Struggling: A Candid Reflection

Every morning, I remind myself that today is a fresh start. Today, I will tackle the overwhelming stack of unwritten articles awaiting my attention. Today, I hope I can resist the urge to react emotionally to headlines or to the white-owned businesses profiting from Asian culture while remaining mute on the rampant anti-Asian violence — particularly after the Atlanta shootings. Perhaps today, I won’t feel the need to shut down my social media or group chats due to yet another distressing account of racism or misogyny shared in the name of awareness.

I respectfully wish to stop being informed; I am not okay.

Gratitude for My Friends’ Support

Many of my friends, especially those who identify as Black or Asian women, have reached out following the tragic events in Atlanta. I appreciate their concern. In truth, they’ve been checking on me since the initial signs of anti-Asian sentiment emerged with the onset of COVID-19. However, when they kindly ask how they can assist or support me, I often find myself at a loss for words.

I don’t need financial help or products to sell. My support system is solid, and I have a network of friends. By all technical measures, I’m fine. As a friend put it, “I’m not in any imminent danger.” Yet, sometimes it feels as if I am in danger — as if this country wants to put me, my mother, and my children at risk. It’s a reality that extends beyond just Asians; it affects all people of color, women of color, and LGBTQIA+ individuals.

The Weight of My Emotions

I want to scream. I struggle to articulate how my friends can help because their support feels inadequate. It’s not a simple fix; while I appreciate their check-ins, they serve as a temporary measure for a deeper wound. How do I express that we need to dismantle white supremacy and patriarchy to ensure true safety? Such monumental changes can’t happen overnight — if that were possible, wouldn’t they have already occurred?

And how can I provide resources when I feel obligated to share articles and insights on anti-Asian hate, Asian American history, and allyship? It’s all important, yet I feel utterly exhausted.

I fear that the hate perpetuated by white patriarchy is more potent than my capacity for love. They will go to extreme lengths to suppress me, while I am unwilling to become a monster in the process.

The Struggle for Humanity

It’s challenging to explain how to help because the issues are systemic and I lack the energy to delve into them. I’m tired of having to justify my humanity. My fellow Asian women, my daughter — my fierce and precious girl — are often seen as expendable. We live in a world where we feel unsafe, unwanted, and dehumanized. We are fetishized, exoticized, and our existence is often questioned.

I am not okay. I feel like a shattered windshield, held together by the thinnest of threads. I am angry, sad, and scared. I am human.

I refuse to apologize for feeling this way.

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Summary

This piece delves into the emotional struggles faced by Asian individuals in the wake of rising anti-Asian violence. It highlights the importance of support from friends while acknowledging the inadequacy of temporary solutions to systemic issues. The author shares personal feelings of anger, fear, and sadness, emphasizing the need for genuine understanding and action against prejudice.

Keyphrase: “Asian American mental health”

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